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andrew_in_dragRating: NC-17
Pairings: Kyo/Toshiya, Kaoru/Toshiya, Die/Shinya, Aoi/Uruha
General Warnings: AU, slash, violence, language, yakuza theme, character death
Chapter Warnings: slash, voyeurism
Previously: The Prodigy | The Rent Boy | The Escort | The Imposter | The Professional | The Shateigashira | The Bargain | The Addict | The Rookie | The Long Night | The Lights | The Chase | The Brothel | The Pits | The Memory | The Truce | The Plan | The Shateigashira's Game | The Oyabun | The Suspect | The Revelations | The Oyabun's Advice | The Fortune Teller | The Escape | The Betrayal | The Aftermath | The Ghost | The City of Ashes | The Special Assignment | The Runaway
Notes: this is the prequel to Protect Me. For the yakuza terminology and hierarchy that I'm working with, please see here. |
When a young prostitute is found with blood on his hands, he catches the eye of the Inagawa clan's prodigy and quickly finds himself tangled up within Osaka's criminal underworld. Taken into a yakuza house and pimped by the mysterious shateigashira, he is desperate for any means of escape - but in a house of cards, can anybody really be trusted?
CHAPTER THIRTY: THE KEYHOLE
By late afternoon, the sky was darkening, and Shinya stared out at the rain pensively.
He realised, in the dim sort of way that he had realised his father wasn't coming back or that he might never get home, that it was December now and nearly Christmas, and he had been in this same awful situation for more than four months. Soon it would be January, and then February, and by the time his birthday rolled around he would have been in his new prison for half a year. He would see all those days, but now he knew some people who wouldn't: Uruha, and Mr Yoshimizu. They would be trapped forever in the year 2005. They would never have another Christmas, or another birthday. They were very still now.
A faint cry interrupted his steady thoughts, and he turned around with a frown. It sounded like it had come from inside the house, somewhere down the corridor. He couldn't imagine why the noise had attracted his attention. It was so soft he wasn't really sure that he had heard anything at all, but something about the sound of it had raised his hackles; it had sounded like somebody getting hurt, and far too many people had gotten hurt already.
Of course, if there was violence, he should stay out of the way: he thought this even as he slipped through his bedroom door. It seemed like something was beckoning him on, like a sweet voice whispering inside himself; since he had begun his new life, he had felt mostly numb, but now there was a new spark inside him: intrigue. Curiosity. He traced his fingers along the wall and listened hard. Every time he thought he heard something, he tiptoed forward another few silent inches, and soon he found himself outside the door of the shateigashira's bedroom.
This was not a doorway he had lingered in front of before. Without instruction he had understood that this part of the house, though as innocuous as any other, was Forbidden. He understood this as a Very Important Rule, and his love of order translated it into a kind of invisible circle around the room, like a plague cross or a hex scrawled across the boundary line; now, he crossed it, touched the wood of the door and felt a chill scuttle upwards between his shoulder blades.
He wouldn't have done it if he hadn't been certain. His senses told him that there was something happening beyond that door, just like they told him if a pitch black room was occupied or if it was raining outside even if he couldn't hear it.
Carefully, he bent and pressed his eye to the keyhole.
It seemed that before he'd even peeked, he knew he shouldn't be looking. He knew that he should walk away, but he couldn't.
What was happening was happening all in shades of grey because of the rainy late-afternoon light from the window, and it made it look like a movie. Shinya loved movies, especially musicals. Nothing bad ever happened to anybody in musicals. If he lived in a musical then everything would turn out alright in the last chorus, and everybody would understand everyone else so clearly because instead of locking their feelings away tight, they would sing about them amongst rows and rows of golden-skinned girls, and instead of tucking secrets into cars and brothels and unmarked graves, they would dance all night on whirling stages. And there would always be someone to catch him. Life would be a Busby Berkeley dream, if only people sang and danced.
Through the keyhole Toshiya was sagging into Kyo's arms, on his knees on the bedroom floor, and the shateigashira was propping him up like he would just fall to the floor if he let go. They were looking at each other in a funny way that made Shinya feel both a faint warmth and a dim twist of shame; it seemed they would never stop looking at each other. Toshiya had a black eye, and as Shinya watched Kyo traced it with his fingers. He stroked his face very gently, and then touched his hair like he was scared it might hurt him.
“I should have killed you the first time I saw you,” he said, and his voice wasn't his voice at all. Without its quiet power it was soft and raspy, like it had not been used in a very long time.
Toshiya kissed him, and – Shinya's hands formed tight fists against the wood of the door. The movie spun into close up; their lips meeting and gently sticking, brushing over each other just lightly – it was like a dance, but Shinya felt it shot a thousand volts through him. In a musical, he thought incoherently, this would be the point where the camera would pan up into a corner and the overture would play a reprise, and the writing would appear on the screen and it would be time to go, to collect his coat and umbrella and leave the cinema, but...
In real life, it carried on. Kyo rubbed his thumb tenderly along the fine line of Toshiya's jaw, his other hand slipping around his waist like he was testing its fit. He bowed his head and pressed his lips to the hollow between Toshiya's collarbones, eliciting a soft hiss from the other man; for a tense moment, they were still, and then Toshiya dropped his hands to the hem of his T-shirt. Together, they pulled it off over his head, and their hands met smoothing his hair back into place.
“Don't you love me just a little?” Toshiya said in a light voice, like he was teasing except it was broken, and Kyo rested his forehead against the younger man's bare chest.
“Don't be stupid,” he said fiercely, but he turned his head to the side so he was resting his cheek against that soft skin, instead, and his thumb began to stroke a cautious pattern around Toshiya's nipple.
When Toshiya didn't object, Kyo tentatively kissed it, and Shinya felt his whole body grow hot. He had a terrible urge to push his own hand up under his shirt and touch himself where Kyo was touching Toshiya, but he felt that if he did so he start to fall apart right there in the hallway.
Through the keyhole, Toshiya closed his eyes and gave a soft sigh. He looked like it felt good. His back arched up as he offered himself to Kyo's lips and tongue, his hands gently clasping the other man's head to him; he was up on his knees, now, biting his lip harshly as the shateigashira's hand pushed itself below his belt.
“I can't,” he breathed, pulling Kyo up and kissing him desperately, “It'll hurt, I—”
“Shh. Lie back.”
“But I...”
But Kyo pushed him back gently, running soothing hands over his shoulders down the length of his arms. He undid Toshiya's belt, slipping it out of his jeans and then passing it thoughtfully through his fingers.
“Wrists together,” he decided at last. Toshiya obeyed him, but his eyes were wide as Kyo tied his hands together and pushed them out of the way above his head.
“Lift your hips,” he said next, unzipping the younger man's pants, and when Toshiya did so he eased the jeans smoothly down his thighs. Toshiya was shaking, Shinya realised. He watched, tense as a spring, as Kyo lay a path with his lips over the other man's skin; as he pressed his tongue to the tip of the erection that was straining against the fabric of Toshiya's boxer briefs. With his wrists bound and his jeans around his knees, he could only move feebly, and Shinya could see how his breaths seemed to shudder in his chest.
Kyo rubbed his palm over the front of Toshiya's underwear, his other hand tracing a reverent line up over his beautiful, torn body. He looked utterly fascinated, like he was tuned in to some frequency only he and Toshiya could hear; he traced every newly uncovered inch of skin with his tongue as he pushed the younger man's boxer briefs down to his knees, and glanced up searchingly when Toshiya tensed.
They looked at each other for a long moment and Toshiya whispered, “Please don't hurt me.”
The words hit hard but Kyo stared up at him impassively.
“I never wanted to,” he said. “I just wanted to touch you. I just wanted to know what you felt like.”
Maybe there was more after that, but Shinya didn't stay to hear it. His heart was racing and his cheeks felt as if they were on fire, and he tiptoed back down the hallway as fast as he dared. He was grateful when he could lock himself into the relative peace of his own bedroom and bury his burning face in his cool, clean pillow.
His body was shaking, both from the eroticism of what he had just seen and from his own rolling, breaking fear: if he had been caught, if he had been seen...
He flipped over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling numbly. His cheeks were still flushed, as if they had been slapped and branded with two smeary handprints: what had he been doing, watching something like that? Every time he blinked, it seemed to flash across the inside of his eyelids: the soft kisses and then the quick ones; the easing off of the clothes and those tender fingers, trailing over his skin like it was something to be worshipped and adored—
He brushed his fingers between his thighs, and froze. Carefully, he made the same movement again, and almost gasped at the little rush of pleasure that jolted through him.
This is what they wanted, he realised dumbly, Toshiya and Kyo, they wanted to feel like this together. They wanted to make each other feel this way.
But they don't love each other, and it's supposed to be for people who love each other, isn't it? They don't even like each other.
But I like Die.
Warily, flickering his eyes back and forth from the door to double- and triple-check that it was locked, Shinya unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. In the opening he had created, looking down his body, he could see where his dick was pushing up for attention, hard and hot feeling through the fabric of his underwear. There was already a small damp spot over the tip, and he rubbed at it experimentally before pushing his hesitant hand into his underwear.
Shakily, he let out a breath that he didn't even realise he had been holding and wrapped his inexpert fingers around his cock. He had tried this before once, in the shower at home when he was fifteen years old, but the strength and will of his own body had frightened him; it was as if there was some great adult force pushing him and he had ceased to feel in control.
Now, he closed his eyes and thought of Die as he stroking himself slowly. Die probably did this, he thought with a little rush of desire; Die probably touched himself this way. He trailed his finger over the head of his dick and bit down on his lip firmly, stifling a sigh that threatened to break free; but what a strange, compelling feeling. Like he was dissolving, or flying apart.
His body, under Die's hands. Die's lips and tongue, using them like Kyo had. He would be able to touch, too; feel and taste Die all over.
He thought he sometimes had dreams about it. He started to move his hand faster, his eyes firmly closed; he thought how the feeling was so oddly like falling; how maybe alone it was scary but with Die it would be safe, because he would be falling slowly and he wouldn't be alone.
Because there'd be somebody to catch him, just like in a musical.
“I like you,” he whispered quickly, and clutched at the bedclothes with his free hand as he came.
In a musical, he would sing a song about it and Die would know and understand.
A/N: 1. When I was a kid I used to fantasise that everything would suddenly turn into a musical.
2. Unlike Shinya, though, I am not a voyeur.
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no subject
Date: 2013-08-16 08:09 pm (UTC)From:But I think writing this part of the scene between Kyo and Toshiya in the view of shinya was so much more erotic and miracely more intense and fragil. 'cause Shinya is such a fragil character and experience this privat moment through his point of view doubles the effect. Hopefully this moment wouldn't be a one in a lifetime thing. It's okay if it's privat, but not please not gone after the night. ;A; This is in such a strange way so beautiful....
And hopefully Shinya will now stick more on this feelings he have for Die and Die is capable enough to catch him in his confused state. Like I said Shinya is so fragil. I'm maybe romantic, but maybe love could make him strong enough to go through this. °^°
Awwww~ I so love this fanfiction. Thank you for being so awesome!
no subject
Date: 2013-08-16 08:15 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2013-08-16 09:23 pm (UTC)From:kyo and Toshiya are so sweet and very hot together but, Kyo has a dangerous love for him sweet and beautiful, yet, sad. I brakes my heart because he is playing with something worse than fire much worse and I have a sick feeling it is only a matter of time before it all falls apart in Kyo's hands and someone gets burned or worse. I hope that I'm wrong, I pray that I'm wrong!!
I hope I articulated my thoughts well enough for you to understand if not just tell me and I will make the proper corrections.. <3 :)
no subject
Date: 2013-08-16 11:10 pm (UTC)From:It's really inspiring. This is such a long fic; I'm sure I wouldn't have even made it past a few chapters without such great support!
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Date: 2013-08-17 05:31 pm (UTC)From:I have to say, I love the idea of Shinya witnessing the whole Kyo/Toshiya scene through a keyhole. That was a fantastic idea, and I liked how Shinya tried not to get turned on simultaneously. I would have never guessed Shinya to be of the voyeuristic kind, but then again, the quiet ones always watch more.. Hadn't it been the shateigashira, I believe Shinya would have stayed to watch more. I also love how Kyo's protective shell is slowly breaking, bits by bits, to let Toshiya see a bit more of who he really is, or, more exactly, of what he feels for him.
Also loved Kyo telling him he should have killed him the very first time before kissing him back. Hm. Liked that. (Liked it already in the previous chapter, of course).
It's almost heartbreaking to see Toshiya afraid of what Kyo might do to him, afraid of Kyo hurting him. Kyo probably hates the whole thing, what happened to Toshiya...
Now, I wonder if Kyo's whole demeanor will change or not once Toshiya feels better, once he doesn't feel as guilty as he does right now..
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Date: 2013-08-18 05:24 pm (UTC)From:I really liked both the KyoÃToshiya part both the fact shy and reserved Shinya witnessed their intimacy watching them through the keyhole - and despite how disturbing the whole situation was for him the experience led him to explore his own feelings he has for Die!
no subject
Date: 2013-08-19 05:18 am (UTC)From:Amazing.
<//3