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andrew_in_dragRating: NC-17
Pairings: Kyo/Toshiya, Kaoru/Toshiya, Die/Shinya, Aoi/Uruha
General Warnings: AU, slash, violence, language, yakuza theme, character death
Chapter Warnings: drug references, BDSM, slash
Previously: The Prodigy | The Rent Boy | The Escort | The Imposter | The Professional | The Shateigashira | The Bargain | The Addict | The Rookie | The Long Night | The Lights | The Chase | The Brothel | The Pits
Notes: this is the prequel to Protect Me. For the yakuza terminology and hierarchy that I'm working with, please see here.
When a young prostitute is found with blood on his hands, he catches the eye of the Inagawa clan's prodigy and quickly finds himself tangled up within Osaka's criminal underworld. Taken into a yakuza house and pimped by the mysterious shateigashira, he is desperate for any means of escape - but in a house of cards, can anybody really be trusted?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: THE MEMORY
“D'you ever think about heaven?”
Toshiya flicked the light switch, dimming the room considerably, and tugged his shirt off. What had happened outside The Pits had energised him in a way that was not entirely comfortable, like a heavy static shock on a muggy summer day.
As if all his nerve endings were recharged and smouldering, painfully alive.
“I think about it,” he chattered on nervously. “Not the, you know, clouds and angels and harp stuff – but I mean a place where you can do what you want all the time, and the people you love are there.”
“If that was all it took,” Kyo said, “Heaven would be on earth.”
He was still fully dressed and was watching with mild interest as Toshiya pulled his clothes off. He liked the haphazard way the younger man moved around the room, as if with every step he was tottering to stay on his feet; with his coltish limbs somehow everywhere all at once, he looked barely contained and ready to leap out of his own skin.
Kyo's fingers itched for his notebook.
Like being on the moon, he had written feverishly the night before, I can't really breathe but I feel
And he had paused with his pen in his hand for a long time, and thoughts of Toshiya had somehow whirled through his head, quick and seductive as a dancer's skirt.
I can't really breathe but I feel
lighter
After that admission he'd written in a frenzy until morning, his fingers bolted awkwardly around the screw of the pen, trying to build something and writing; all the animals I trapped have become my pets and praying to the setting sun and hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite in letters that grew increasingly larger and more jagged.
Toshiya took his hands carefully. They had been crooked into tight fists; Toshiya guided them, and against the warm skin of his hips they unfurled.
He had thought about the birds again.
Maybe there had only been a hundred or so, but it had looked like thousands. The two of them had sat on the frozen earth, their ears and noses and cheeks numbing, and they had made some shift or sound that had made all the birds take off at once.
At first they'd looked black against the white sky, but gradually he had seen that their feathers were more like a soft, greyish brown. Taking off all at once, they made a ruffling, ripping kind of noise, like the earth was splitting open.
“Sometimes...” Aoi had said slowly.
If Uruha tried he could still pull together the memory of how it had looked, that day; he could see in his head the way Aoi's lips had moved, but he couldn't read them. It was like the sound of the world had been turned down, just for a few minutes.
Uruha moved outside of the memory, using his teeth to tug the belt tight around his upper arm. He rubbed the skin fretfully, worrying at the bruises and scabs and tracks inside his elbow; he tapped the needle, hummed to himself, tucked in his feet.
All the colours of that day had started out looking so monochrome, and it was only when he got closer to it that he realised that actually, all the colours weren't grey tones but sepia, that dull brown and white like the oldest of photographs.
Like the colours were a stain of time, the memory felt that old, too.
He wondered where Aoi was now, and what he was doing with his life.
If he was married or employed or what. Safe, and happy, and warm somewhere.
“Sometimes...”
Needle in, plunger down.
The birds taking off, thousands of them against the bright sky, and the sound their wings made. Like ripping, like clapping, like whispering.
“Sometimes I feel like I'm making a big mistake.”
Needle out.
Oh well, whatever, never mind.
Toshiya put his lips to the front of Kyo's shirt and whispered, “What would you like me to do?”
He was perfectly naked, comfortable and soft as a shadow in the darkness. Moonlight from the window edged him in silver, and he gently trailed his fingers over Kyo's heart. It beat a steady rhythm, faster than usual, and he smiled. It seemed astonishing to him, somehow, that a man capable of such open-faced cruelty would have a heart that beat just like everybody else. It made him feel small, but safer.
“On your knees.”
His hands hadn't moved from their smooth resting point on Toshiya's hips; now, he kept still but allowed the younger man's body to pass through his hands, his fingers trailing lightly up his sides and over his shoulders, tangling where his hair fell. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he considered him.
He was beautiful, but that was no reason for him to be special. His difference was in his spirit, the high-and-low aspect of his nature; behind those dark eyes, there was a fragility to him that made Kyo want to be unkind. It made him want to yank on his hair and spit on his body: in the face of beauty he couldn't be gentle, he could never be gentle, he didn't know how.
His hand tightened around Toshiya's hair.
“What are you thinking?”
Toshiya ran his hands up Kyo's thighs and hooked his fingers over his belt, concentrating on unbuckling it.
“I don't know,” he admitted, “Does it matter?”
Kyo watched as Toshiya unzipped his pants, pushing them down busily. He felt a sudden urge to smile and wondered what was wrong with him.
“I guess it doesn't. Sometimes I wondered what you all think about when you're working. A sexual fantasy, or something, to make it easier.”
“What we all think about...” Toshiya laughed softly against Kyo's skin, slipping the tips of his fingers just under the bottom edges of his boxer briefs, “Don't you suppose we're all different?”
“I'm not conducting a fucking survey. What do you think about?”
Toshiya shrugged, the gesture surprisingly young, and started to ease Kyo's underwear down over his hips.
“Before...I thought about being quiet. Being quick. I was scared all the time so I didn't have much else to think about. I thought about getting back, and what I'd have to do the next day...” his voice tapered off. “Now I think about...I wish people kissed more. I don't care what the person's like.”
“How intimate.”
Kyo's dick was already semi-hard, and Toshiya leaned in to lick the tip carefully.
“It helps me get into it,” he said lightly, running his hand over Kyo's cock and feeling how the flesh warmed under his touch. “It makes me think of being on the sofa in my mother's house and just kissing and kissing the person I was with...being too young to do anything more than make out, but feeling like I wanted to. I felt like if they touched me, I'd shake – like I was reaching out towards them – I wanted to do so much.”
“Lie down on the bed.”
His movements made whispering noises in the dark. Kyo heard the gentle creak of bed springs and watched as Toshiya's sweet shadow leapt against the wall.
“Aren't you going to come with me?” he asked, and then paused. “I liked what you did last time,” he whispered.
There were no more than three steps between them, but Kyo stayed where he was.
“Last time?”
“That night in the cell. It...” Toshiya could feel his cheeks burning in the darkness, “It was torture, but I liked it. I liked cumming after it.”
“I told you not to cum,” Kyo said shortly, responding only to the easiest part of Toshiya's statement, and was rewarded with the younger man's slow, mischievous smile.
“I know, but I cheated.”
For some reason that he could not explain, a deep wave of helplessness seemed to wash through Kyo's body. Like he was falling.
Simultaneously, his dick seemed to almost twitch with lust, and he felt a rush of anger.
“Turn over,” he commanded shortly, “Lie on your front.”
“Do you—”
“Stop talking. You talk too much. You forget yourself.”
“But—”
Toshiya was silenced by a sudden forceful hand on the back of his neck that drove his face down hard into the pillow nestled below him; he tried to cry out but the sound was smothered, and when he tried to pull in a breath a terrible burning feeling filled his lungs.
Kyo sucked hard on a finger and trailed it down Toshiya's back and to the cleft of his ass. He was struggling, but in the wrong way: his long arms groped for purchase on the bedstead but grasped at air; his legs lashed uselessly against the mattress. Smiling, Kyo slid his finger lower and gently slid it inside Toshiya's body, darting down to lick the small of his back as he did so; he released his hold on the younger man's neck and was immediately assaulted with a rush of curses.
“You—” Toshiya gasped heavily, “You fucking psycho, you could have killed—”
In a single flash of movement Kyo forced his head down again.
“I thought I said not to talk,” he stated smoothly, and pushed a second finger into that tight heat; slowly, he started to thrust them back and forth, and was rewarded by a sudden tensing of Toshiya's body.
He released his head, and although Toshiya gasped deeply he didn't speak. His breathing was uneven and a few involuntary tears had smudged themselves onto his cheeks; he glanced at Kyo reproachfully, his eyes slightly swollen, but the shateigashira simply thrust his fingers harder and the reprove turned to a startled moan.
“You are so much fun,” Kyo said quietly. “Even when you're being abused, your body still responds. Do you really think I'd kill you?”
“I—I—” Toshiya gasped, arching his back as Kyo finger-fucked him, his dick smearing an indecent stain over the bed sheets. He was sure he hated Kyo in the moment; hated the shateigashira for how good it felt; how easily he had him moaning.
“I want an answer. Do you think I'd kill you? I'm curious.”
“I— Kyo— I can't think when you're doing that!”
“Yes or no.”
“I don't know! Just – fuck—”
Kyo's fingers ceased their movements at once and Toshiya groaned in sudden frustration; caught in the moment and deafened by the frantic rushing of his own blood, he dared to grope behind him for Kyo's hand, trying to force it back into action.
He tasted the pillow.
“Have you ever cum like this? Unable to breathe?” the shateigashira whispered harshly in his ear, the entire weight of his body pinning him down, “It's an amazing rush, feeling like you're about to die— how long do you think you could hold on for?”
His hand pushed its way under Toshiya's body and wrapped around the younger man's dick, finding it so hard it was surely painful; he pressed a gentle kiss to the hollow between his shoulder blades and slowly started to jerk him off.
“Do you like the way I'm torturing you now?” he asked lowly, and sat back on the bed. The tips of his fingers glistened with precum where he'd teased the tip of Toshiya's dick, and he stroked them slowly down the rent boy's back. Although there was no pressure on him, Toshiya had not sat up. He had twisted his face to the side and was breathing shallowly, and despite how he brought his arms up he could not hide how flushed he was.
“Fuck me,” he said weakly, “Please.”
“Find the handcuffs.”
Toshiya obeyed, sitting up with none of his usual grace. Every tiny brush to his dick made him feel as if he was going to lose it, and the sight of Kyo lazily touching himself made him flush with both envy and lust; quickly, one hand fisted tightly in the sheets, he fished under the bed for the box of toys and dragged it out. His hands were shaking as he dug through it and hastily passed the handcuffs over, beyond caring what they were to be used for. All he wanted to do was thrust against something; just push his fingers up inside himself and fuck himself on them until he couldn't think. When Kyo guided him, he laid back and allowed himself to be cuffed to the bed frame. His eyes were bright and there were beads of sweat standing out on his forehead; between his legs, his cock looked hard and heavy.
“Please,” he said again, and closed his eyes helplessly when Kyo shook his head.
“Next time,” the shateigashira said, and stood up to start pulling his clothes on.
“Please,” Toshiya repeated, his voice breaking slightly, “You haven't even cum, you must want to, you must—”
Kyo smiled a little.
“You are such fun,” he said, a quiet echo, although this time there was more warmth in his voice. “I wouldn't hurt you. I wouldn't kill you. You're—” his smile grew slightly sad, and he paused.
“Too much fun,” he finished finally, softly, and surprised himself by kissing Toshiya gently on the mouth.
When he left, he was pleased to find that it had stopped raining. The night air smelled fresh and clean and he waved away his car dismissively, preferring to walk. There was no sense being driven on a night like this; not when the sky was so clear, suddenly, and so starry; not when the air was so sweet and full of promise.
A/N: Notes about Kyo's...notebook.
“Like being on the moon / I can't really breathe but I feel lighter” is mostly cribbed from the Magnetic Fields song, 'A Pretty Girl Is Like...'
“The animals I've trapped have all become my pets” comes from 'Something In The Way' by Nirvana. I'm listening to a lot of Nirvana lately and I honestly think it's because my travels took me through Washington state. /Laaame
“Praying to the setting sun” is obviously based on 'Saku', and if you don't know that then SHAME ON YOU. I'm kidding. OR AM I? Yeah I'm kidding.
Also I find sex scenes ridiculously hard to write so I am not going to claim 100% sobriety for this. Hope it came out okay, guys.
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no subject
Date: 2013-07-03 02:41 am (UTC)From:*head desk*
OMG URU WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!! *cries*
I. Love. The. Torture.
Call me a sick fuck (I often do, myself), but those torture moments are better than smut to me.
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!
<//3
no subject
Date: 2013-07-03 06:13 pm (UTC)From:Thanks dahling!
And hey, if you're sick for likin' it, I'm worse for writing it.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-03 08:16 pm (UTC)From:<//3
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Date: 2013-07-03 08:43 pm (UTC)From:Whatever would the vicar say?!
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Date: 2013-07-04 02:11 am (UTC)From:<//3
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Date: 2013-07-03 05:12 am (UTC)From:I'm very curious as to how Toshiya and Kyo's relationship will develop from now on, the prospects don't look very good.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-03 07:08 am (UTC)From:"in the face of beauty he couldn't be gentle, he could never be gentle, he didn't know how."
It reminded me about what Kyo once said that he couldn't cherish even the people he likes. I wondered if he takes all of Toshiya's gentleness away, will he ever give it back to Toshiya, even just a bit? Thinking about it made me smile, sadly.
"Kyo heard the gentle creak of bed springs and watched as Toshiya's sweet shadow leapt against the wall."
It gave me the illusion of Kyo's hunger for Toshiya, like he could devour everything of him, but he wouldn't, he just calmly watched with wicked amusing eyes. "hypocrite hypocrite hypocrite".
no subject
Date: 2013-07-03 12:57 pm (UTC)From:It's interesting because I think Kyo and Toshiya's relationship in this is very much about control, and I think in Toshiya's mind it's him vs Kyo, but in reality it's...Kyo vs Kyo.
Or maybe I ought to stop writing Kyo so schizo ;)
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Date: 2013-07-03 02:15 pm (UTC)From:- Kyo @ [音楽と人 (2012)]
E-Translation by agentpummel
:D Yes, Kyo vs Kyo, challenges himself "just to see how long he could last and how much he could take." as you wrote in
chapter 5.
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Date: 2013-07-03 03:00 pm (UTC)From:Hmmmmm.
Damn it, you're inspiring me and I'm meant to be cleaning.
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Date: 2013-07-03 03:24 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2013-07-03 03:04 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2013-07-03 03:59 pm (UTC)From:“If that was all it took,” Kyo said, “Heaven would be on earth.”
i liked this soooo fucking much.
jesus, this story is so good. really, i love it.
and kyo/toshiya are such a fucking arousing pairing.
never stop writing please. ;AAA;
no subject
Date: 2013-07-04 10:42 am (UTC)From:DFJGHRGUDSLWRUFSA!!!! It's so unsatisfing and just higher the tention and lust so much more I fucking know I'm going to explode .. XD
But Uruha?That fucking bastard... He's so weak... ;A; I want him to get in a unexpected situation where he grows stronger. ;A;
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Date: 2013-07-04 01:23 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2013-07-12 01:55 pm (UTC)From:I like the fact that I just don't understand what Kyo does, why he does this.. and I'm not sure he understands either :P
*will now hop onto the next chapter* (I didn't have enough time to read those last chapters :o)
no subject
Date: 2013-07-12 02:10 pm (UTC)From:Thanks, dear!