andrew_in_drag | Exam Season (Subheading: I'm Dying)

Hey ladies and, er, ladies.
And secret boys?

Exam season is here in wintry Canada. Normally I'd say this would make me less productive, but my mind is so contrary that it's done exactly the opposite. I DON'T WANT TO REVISE so instead I am one-shotting like a bitch.

Here is today's exam story:

So, I had done no revision for this exam. Last night at the pub, I realized that it was probably about time I got started on that, so I pulled an all-nighter which mixed actual revision in with a healthy mix of photoshopping (secret project things, how exciting), writing, making fried chicken (delicious) pep-talking my roommate, listening to my mate's radio show (it goes out at 12 noon English time, so unfortunately 5am mountain time)...

So I was sort of coffee'd up and sleep deprived, but whatever, I am that half the time anyway. I did go into mild hysterics over the following terrible joke from the radio show:

Knock knock?
- Who's there?
Posh.
- Posh who?
Posh lady, bye I have to go shopping for more hats

At five thirty in the morning that absolutely destroyed me. I was laughing tears. Also this one:

Why couldn't the chicken go through the door?
- Because he was like a huge rock.

Actually just thinking about it again is making me chortle so let's stop. Note: I still haven't slept.

Anyway, so I was just about feeling ready for the exam when the time to leave rolled around. I said goodbye to my roommate, the charming Alice, and wished her good luck and received a slightly desperate hug; as an afterthought (and because all that coffee was making me pee like seabiscuit) I grabbed my water bottle off the table and swung myself out of the door, which was mysteriously missing its handle, because University Residence.

So I sat down in the exam and decided to take a calming sip of water. I unscrewed the cap of the bottle. I froze.
Not water, but rather last Monday's deadly strong gin and tonic mix.
Now gin literally reeks so people were giving me very guarded looks; but what could I do? I was thirsty and the exam was one and a half hours, so I wasn't about to wait.

So four gin and tonics later both essay questions went PERFECTLY and when I got home everything Alice said was hilarious, which is not uncommon (she went to Hawaii over spring break. She brought me back a condom with a picture of an owl wearing a mortarboard and the legend 'University of Hawaii Sex Instructor on it)*.

Anyway I've just about recovered from my morning drunk (did you know that when you're really tired everything hits you soooo haaaaaard?) so...it's nearly time to start drinking again!
This day marks a new barrier for me. It is the third time in my life I have been drunk before noon, the second time in my life I have been drunk before noon in a super market (coincidentally buying mixers for tonight) and the first time in my life I have been drunk in an exam. It is also the first time in my life I have actively tidied my room in acknowledgement of the fact that I might drunkenly bring somebody home, because DAMN IT I am 21 now/the University of Hawaii's Sex Instructor.

*Not joking.