Superstar: 6/??

[andrew_in_drag]

Title: Superstar
Author: andrew_in_drag 
Pairing: Kaoru x Toshiya
Rating: mature
Warnings: AU, slash, rock 'n roll excess
Previously: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
Synopsis: He's more than a superstar. He's an idol, a hero, a god...
As teenagers, Kaoru and Toshiya share a dream: to get famous or die trying. When the opportunity arises, Kaoru betrays his friend to chase his future, but years later Toshiya is the star - and the lifestyle has him heading towards ruin... 
Notes: Not much to say about this except that I will try to keep the daily updates coming, but my life is very busy and Canadian, so there might be a few gaps.

CHAPTER SIX:

By a sheer force of will, Osaka became familiar.
Toshiya and I took to the pavements, walking until we were lost, memorizing every landmark on the way; we learned to look for the spire of the Tsutenkaku Tower and let it lead us home, like a guiding star.
And we had ways to cope. For me, it was the obsessive walking, making sure that in my head I had documented every single building in every single neighbourhood; I walked in all weathers, pounding the streets below my feet like I hated them. I studied the city. I listened hard to the way its people spoke and forced those sounds into my own words, all the little intonations and inflections, until I sounded like I had been born and raised in Shinsekai, and Toshiya looked at me in confusion. I memorised the subway stations, imprinting the colourful lines upon my mind; when people asked where I was from, I simply said that I was born in Hyogo, and let them assume that I was probably from Kobe. It would have worked if it wasn’t for Toshiya.

At the time, I was embarrassed for him; now, I admire him. His accent gave his words a quaint, naïve-sounding lilt that I thought everybody would laugh at. When he spoke, I cringed. Actually, our fellow squatters found it adorable. My own stubbornness refused to let me pick up on this, so I continued to wince whenever he opened his mouth; when he talked about our life in the country, I wanted to slap my hand over his lips. It didn’t occur to me that people other than myself would find him charming. In my head, any interest in us was insulting.
Whilst I was out on the streets, Toshiya adjusted to the squat. He learned to wash his hair in cold water and dry it in quick, fast snaps of his towel, before it could make him shiver: he learned what things could be burned for heat and what couldn’t; he learned how to block off the holes that the rats used to run in and out. I came home to find him sitting in a happy circle with the other musicians we shared with, slotted between Die and Kyo like a letter into an envelope, and I couldn’t explain the peculiar anxious little twist that my stomach did when I saw him like that, talking and laughing without me.
We were so far from home.  

The lack of privacy in the squat made me miserable. I’ve never been that outgoing kind of person: truthfully, by the time Toshiya came along, I was so used to solitude that my first instinct was to disregard him utterly. Now, I had gotten used to only him, and I found myself wanting to guard him. In my heart, I felt like he was mine, and even though I knew it was irrational, it preyed on my mind. I resented the time he spent talking to other people: I wanted our success to come from us, just us, making it together.  
Simply, the happier and livelier he grew, the more I quietened. He adjusted fast.

“Hey,” Toshiya said simply, smiling at me as I walked in. Our room was the size of a cupboard and had no windows; we lit candles all day and kept a single one burning all night, throwing our shadows all over the walls as we kissed and touched under the cover of our coats. By tying the sleeves of our clothes together, we had made a reasonably warm blanket, and we slept close together anyway. There were many things about the squat that I hated – the cold water, the lack of electricity, the vast amounts of people tripping and tumbling down the hallways – but I loved our little room. It was small, but it was ours.
“Hi,” I said in return. “You look…you changed your hair.”
“Die dyed it for me,” he said. “Do you like it?”
I took it in. Yes, I did like it: it was deep blue and still slightly wet, dripping down his bare shoulders and making the candles sputter.
But the thought of somebody else touching him made me itch with a terrible, nervous jealousy, and I smiled uneasily as I sat down next to him.
“Is this – is this what you pictured?” I asked suddenly. My voice was awkward, cracking. “You know – living like this, and – and—”
I bit my lip forcefully, hushing myself up. Toshiya had grown very still. I could feel my pulse in my throat, fast and metallic, heavy, a hammer against cloth.
“It’s alright,” he said softly, slipping his arm around me. His skin was warm, but the droplets of water sliding over him were so cold I flinched. Misinterpreting me, he drew away uncertainly.
“I just need to know that I’m doing the right thing,” I said heavily. “For both of us. We came here to get famous but I feel like I’m just—”
Fading away, a mean voice whispered inside my head.
“I just feel like everything here goes so fast,” I whispered instead. “I don’t know how to slow it down.”
He rested his face against my neck, calming me with the contact. One of his big, beautiful hands started stroking slowly down my back, calm and careful. I felt him smile; felt him kiss my skin tenderly.
“So stop trying to slow it down,” he said, his words muffled. “It only goes too fast if you try to catch onto it. You have to let it go.” He sat up, smiled at me.
“But aren’t you scared?” I asked him quietly, too embarrassed to speak louder.
His fingers tangled with mine.
“No,” he said, and I could tell from his voice that he meant it. “I’m with you.” He smiled at me widely. “I know you’ll take care of me. And I’ll take care of you.”
“Toshiya,” I laughed exasperatedly, “You’re seventeen. You can’t even take care of yourself.”
I felt the sting in my words and rubbed over his knuckles to dull it, squeezing his fingers, “Legally, I mean,” I added.
“Well, I don’t care what the law says.” He tugged on a lock of his hair defiantly, a strange little habit that couldn’t belong to anybody but him, “We’re Kaoru and Toshiya. We’re above the law.”
Pulling on his hair and smiling at me in that way. I don’t know how I ever could have been jealous. In the candle light, his skin was poured gold.
“Don’t you see?” he whispered as I took him into my arms, as I kissed his neck, “It’s all about us.”  

On that day in early June, I laid him down on the bare, splintery floor. I could hear the rain hammering down upon the roof: when I think of Osaka, I always think of rain. Our ceiling had sprung a leak, and it became the soundtrack to our lives in the squat: the murmur of voices throughout the house, the tick-tock pattering of water dripping into the old tin bucket we placed below the leak and, behind it all, the steady throbbing heartbeat of the rain.
“Is this alright?” I asked him carefully. The rain brought the damp with it, and our little room grew humid. His skin was warm and slick, a summer night.
“This is what our grandparents always thought we did,” he answered, hooking his fingers in the hem of my T-shirt and helping me to pull it over my head. He smoothed my hair.
“Do you miss your family?”
“Yes. Do you?”
“Yes.”

Somewhere in the house, somebody was calling for him. For once, he didn’t respond. I was inside him. Sweat beaded on his forehead; I kissed him over and over, because I couldn’t stop.
“You’re going to be a star,” I promised, muttering the words against his lips, “You’re going to be a star, you’re going to be a star, you’re going to be—”
Our shadows leapt over the walls, larger than life. A black ghost Toshiya tipped his head back, threw his arms around me, “Kaoru—!”
The voice calling his name was getting louder. I wondered briefly if it was mine, but somebody hammered on our rickety door.
“Toshiya!” I heard, impatiently, and the door burst open. Light flooded the room; the breeze blew our candles out.
Busted.
I sat up guiltily, trying to cover myself. I grabbed our makeshift blanket where we’d kicked it off and hurriedly draped it over Toshiya, protecting his nakedness. In the full light, he looked undone and messy and very, very young. I didn’t want anybody else but me to see him like that; it was like a secret. It was the hidden vulnerable side to Toshiya that I wanted to keep all to myself, cradled in, like a newborn.
But “Die,” he said, pushing damp hair from his brow, “Kyo.”
They had good news, Die said. And they did. All the while he spoke, he was grinning fit to bust; but I didn’t look at him, I looked at Kyo.
He wasn’t smiling. 

Comments

[amaya3.livejournal.com]

While reading this I have to constantly remind myself that this didn't actually happened. All I want to ask is "And then? What happened then?" |DD Ridiculously amazing. I love Kaoru here . I love that he's embarrassed for Toshiya and also jealous and kind of lost. It's just so real!
you're more than making up for On A Highway btw. I, too, had felt it left a lot to be desired(was still enjoying it immensely though) but what a come back! jkdshfdj;lkf
If you get published I hope you'll let this journal know because I'll definitely want to get my hands on your work! 8DD

[it-killed-you.livejournal.com]

Super agree with @amaya3 And there's not a lot more to say..XD
I looove this story!

[velvet-liquor.livejournal.com]

Oooh, someone is getting jealous... and Toshiya seems blissfully ignorant of that fact. I kinda love Kaoru for trying to keep Toshiya all for himself -then again, who wouldn't?
And oh oh oh! Kyo seems like men being a bit too close isn't very acceptable for him... Die not batting an eyelash (or moving an eyebrow xD) isn't very surprising, Die was born to be a flaming gay XD but Kyo... aaah... what will he do? He could throw them away if he wanted to.. or just Kaoru, because he probably likes Toshiya more (spending more time with Toshiya than Kaoru probably helped)... but then Toshiya would follow him out on the street... hmmm....
Well... I have to wait... T_T

[kaiser1103.livejournal.com]

I wonder what their "good news" was... Kyo wasn't smiling, there must be something I guess...

[ne0ndreamer.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you manage to update daily. This got me hooked from the start. I can't wait for the next chapter, see you!