PROTECT ME: CHAPTER EIGHT

[andrew_in_drag]

Title: Protect Me
Author: andrew_in_drag
Pairing: Kaoru x Toshiya
Rating: mature
Warnings: sex, rudeness, swears, boyish attitudes, AU
Chapter: 8/??
Previously: prologue >> one >> two >> three >> four >> five >> six >> seven
Synopsis: “Toshimasa Hara. Even now I sometimes find it hard to decide if his name gives me heartache or a headache…”

As a police officer in Shinsekai, Osaka, Kaoru has seen his fair share of trouble. Chaos takes a human form, however, in Toshiya Hara, a young local who seems intent on showing him that sometimes the right way is not always the good way, and that sometimes the wrong way can be the path to redemption…

CHAPTER EIGHT

From that day onwards, we were inseparable.

No matter what had come before, now it was different: every spare moment I had, I spent it with him. We went everywhere together, save for his house, where he returned every couple of days just to ‘check in’, whatever that meant; to ‘recharge his batteries’. I had assumed that the people he lived with new about me, and had perhaps made their peace with me as his new distraction. He never offered to bring me home, though, and I never asked. Our relationship was brittle at best, characterised by frequent arguments and, more pleasurably, whole nights of passionate lovemaking; to ask him to bring me into his private retreat would surely kick off another row.

Apart from those visits home every few days or so, he spent his nights with me. All the little pieces of debris from his life started to collect in my apartment without me even noticing it: suddenly, outlandish articles of his clothing started to appear in my wardrobe, hanging conspicuously between my meticulously ironed uniform shirts; the small table in my bedroom that I kept mostly bare became littered with eye make-up and fragments of jewellery.

Slowly, slowly. Since he never said he loved me, I took his steady osmosis into my life as the truest declaration of his feelings. He had a dozen weird little habits that I fell in love with. Sometimes he slept like a log and sometimes he was up all night – and when that happened, he made sure to keep me up in the process. Sometimes I woke up and he wasn’t there; sometimes I woke up and he was. I cut him a key and decided, for my own good, not to wonder where he was when he sometimes didn’t return to me, or came clattering into my apartment at midnight. He always woke me up. A good night’s sleep had no value to Toshiya, and living his lifestyle without his insane amounts of nervous energy was exhausting. That was how he stayed so slender, I concluded; he ate like a demon but couldn’t sit still for more than five minutes at a time.

And sometimes, when I pressed, he would tell me about Kyo.

It became my new obsession: this mystery man that I shared such an important part of my life with. It began to feel like my love for Toshiya was so strong that it spread to Kyo, too; in my head, he was part of Toshiya’s mythology. The stories, of course, came from Toshiya; the mythology, I created myself, to bury all traces of how I truly felt about his inability to be faithful.

What was worse, my fascination with Kyo seemed to amuse my lover. Every question I asked was met with a strange little smirk, as if he’d expected me to ask it and wondered why it had taken me so long; his answers were descriptive, but did little to paint an overall picture of the man; or, worse, they were indifferently vague, leaving me to fill in the gaps with my own imagination. That was the worst thing: my imagination. In my mind, Kyo didn’t worry about me the way I worried about him.

“Is he good looking?” I asked once. Smirk.

“I guess. He changes his appearance a lot.”

“Is he smart?”

Smirk. “Yeah.”

This conversation was happening one evening after Toshiya had been for one of his little visits home. He looked tired.

“What does he do?” I tried, knowing I was pushing my luck, and Toshiya rolled his eyes.

“Eat. Sleep. Fuck me. Sometimes he writes poetry but he’s pretty private about that. Why do you want to know?”

“Do you two have sex a lot?” I asked bluntly, ignoring his question; later, I wouldn’t be able to believe I’d been so bold, but in the moment it seemed like the natural question to ask. His smirk disappeared, anyway.

“Kaoru.”

“Have you ever slept with both of us on the same day?”

“Kaoru, I…!” He struggled. “Yes, okay? Yes, I have. But it doesn’t matter—”

“It matters to me!” I said pleadingly, moving forward to take his hands in mine, “Don’t you see that? Whenever you’re back there – I always wonder, are you thinking of me? Of him? And when you’re here…”

He sniffed, turning his head to the side so he wasn’t looking at me.

“Look,” he said plainly, “Kaoru, I’m sorry, but this is how it is. You can’t get jealous.” He sighed, resting his hands on my hips, “I know this is hard for you, but I’m giving you all I can.”

“Toshiya…” I shook my head, “I just don’t understand why you can’t ever commit to me. To anything. I’ve known cats that were less fickle than you.”

In my arms, his whole body tensed, and he pulled out of my reach. “If you don’t like it, stop seeing me,” he said stiffly. “I’m not going to go down on my knees and beg you to stay.”

“I never thought you would,” I countered stingingly.

“Kaoru! I…” he made a noise of frustration, pressing his knuckles to his temples, “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again! Do you even know what your problem is?”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” I challenged.

“Your problem,” he said emphatically, “Is that you think you’re the only one making sacrifices for this…whatever this is. You think that just because I don’t bitch and moan and nag about how hard all this is, everything’s so fucking easy for me—”

“Oh I’m sorry, it must be so difficult for you to cheat on me all the time!”

And on, and on, and on.

In the end, he stormed out. I didn’t care: I was so angry myself that I started washing the dishes and ended up throwing a plate against the wall. As I was sweeping up the shards, I muttered to myself: all the things I should have said; how maybe I should just go ahead and leave him.

Except I couldn’t. I just couldn’t, and when he walked back in two hours later, I met him with relief. I was so grateful that he’d come back. It was pathetic.

“Toshiya,” I said, my voice soft, and straight away he kissed me. Rough. He kicked the door closed, pushed me into the wall; he bit my lip, dragged my clothes off. His mouth was so hot I felt his breath was burning my insides; his hands on my body were shaking. We stripped each other like we were tearing meat off a bone. I yanked his jeans down and pressed my face against one of his thighs, panting; I pulled him down so hard that he fell. There was no time to get to my bedroom, no time to do anything. I flipped onto his back on the wooden floor and squeezed him through his underwear so that he groaned and bit down hard on my shoulder, drawing blood. He shoved a hand between our bodies, dragging his boxer briefs down his legs, and there was a loud ripping noise as the fabric split. It dropped, forgotten. I grabbed at his hips, pulling him towards me as I lowered my head; licked the tip of his cock, pulled back, placed a gentle kiss where his thigh met his groin.

“For fuck’s sake,” he said from between gritted teeth, “Do not fucking tease me now.”

I laughed breathily, making him wriggle, and pressed a dainty little kiss to the end of his erection. He pushed his hips up, silently begging me, but I stroked his thigh calmingly, urging him back to the floor. I could torture him just a little, just a little—

“God, Kaoru,” he moaned, and I swear I felt a rush of heat through my whole body at the sound of that voice; that needy, fraught, breathy voice. I breathed him in and took him into my mouth, as far as I could go, grabbing his ass as he pushed his hips up desperately. Without even being aware, he tugged on a handful of my hair, and I’ll never forget it: the heat of his skin, the sudden pain and the taste of him, the feel of him in my mouth. I let myself get intoxicated by the closeness of him. He was at my mercy entirely, and it made my dick ache just to see how much he needed me.

“Fuck,” he gasped, fingers twisting in my hair, “Oh, fuck—”

I looked up, and our eyes locked. His were dark with lust, intense, present and so focussed that I felt as if he was looking inside me. Those eyes could have made me do anything.

I licked a stripe from the base of his dick to the head, where I used my tongue to smudge a drop of pre-cum along the tip. He panted roughly, the whole of his body urging me onwards, and with a smile on my face I turned around, got onto my hands and knees, and prepared myself for what came next.

Having him inside me was like a dream.

He took me to a place that I’d never exactly been to before, like opening a locked door inside myself; he had me coiled on the floor, begging for mercy; he had me screaming. My arms collapsed and I rested my face on the wood panels, shaking, but he dragged me back up against him, up to my knees with him below me, still inside me, his own body trembling where it was pressed against the wall. He filled me completely, physically and mentally; my ears heard him, my eyes saw him, I tasted him, smelled him, felt him inside and out.

“Say it’s okay,” he murmured breathlessly, “Promise me you won’t get jealous; promise it’s alright…”

“Oh god,” I cried deliriously, squeezing my eyes shut as he struck that place inside of me, “God, Toshiya, yes, I promise…”

His fingers grabbed mine, linking them together as he started stroking me off, his dick inside me almost more than I could bear; his touch, his mouth on my skin; his whole body, so hot, so hot—

I came harder than I’d ever come before, eyes shut and sweat beading on my forehead, my whole body screaming out for him. Together, we collapsed. I could feel him panting against my shoulder; his semen dripping slowly down my thigh. He kissed my cheek gently and let his head fall back. Both of us were gasping for breath. Though we’d fallen, our hands were still linked, our bodies still pressed together.

“I love you,” I whispered, laying my head to rest on his shoulder. His arm tightened around me, pulling me closer still.

“Kaoru,” he said shakily, a catch in his voice, “We’ll be okay.”

And I believed him. 


>> to chapter nine >>

Comments

[aibashi.livejournal.com]

ugh the moer you write and post the better this whole piece becomes, i love it.

i love the tiny pieces of toshiya's belongings invanding kaoru's home and his interpretation that probably that's the waytoshiya has to show his feelings was so great.

toshiya topping kaoru is always such a nice thing to read, especially so well written.

can't wait for moooore!!
♡