PROTECT ME: EPILOGUE

[andrew_in_drag]

Title: Protect Me
Author: andrew_in_drag
Pairing: Kaoru x Toshiya
Rating: mature
Warnings: sex, rudeness, swears, boyish attitudes, AU
Chapter: epilogue
Previously: prologue >> one >> two >> three >> four >> five >> six 
>> seven >> eight >> nine >> ten >> eleven >> twelve >> thirteen 
>> fourteen >> fifteen >> sixteen >> seventeen >> eighteen 
>> nineteen >> twenty >> twenty-one >> twenty-two >> twenty-three
Synopsis: “Toshimasa Hara. Even now I sometimes find it hard to decide if his name gives me heartache or a headache…”

As a police officer in Shinsekai, Osaka, Kaoru has seen his fair share of trouble. Chaos takes a human form, however, in Toshiya Hara, a young local who seems intent on showing him that sometimes the right way is not always the good way, and that sometimes the wrong way can be the path to redemption...

EPILOGUE: ONE YEAR LATER


My lover lies in bed next to me, a lock of hair fluttering before his lips with every slow, deep breath he takes. 
He is so beautiful, I can't stop looking at him. 
A year has passed since we first met; it's spring again. The city is coming into bloom, and although we're a long way from the castle park now, we'll find different trees to lie under this year. 
Quite a lot has changed. We're not Kaoru and Toshiya anymore, except to each other: we have new friends who accept our fake names as gospel truth. When they ask us how we wet, me um and ah and lie a lot: Toshiya's favourite story is to say that we met on board a sinking ship. Of course, they don't believe us, but like all good people they accept that there are some things they simply do not have to know; that we, like everyone else, must have our secrets. 
We live now in a different city, a long way from the first. When we left, we took hardly a thing with us, our flight was so hasty, but now we are set up in a little apartment fifteen floors above the traffic and people and danger below. 
And oh, that reminds me: Toshiya never really was afraid of riding in elevators. What ade him blanch that day in the hotel was nothing ore than second thoughts; nothing more, he has told me since, than the realisation that actually, I made him happier than he'd ever been. 

These days, I work as a private tutor, and I'm studying to be a teacher. I'm writing a book, too. Toshiya still designs clothes, but he doesn't need to make them anymore; now, he has two or three seamstresses to do that for him, so he is free to invent. He sells his original designs in the boutique he opened. 
He's becoming pretty successful. 
And life is good. We can both get hoe at the end of the day, leave our jobs at the door and enjoy each other in a way we never could whilst I was a police officer and he was a double agent. We're not even halfway through the list of crazy sexy stuff he wants to try, but let me tell you, we kept those handcuffs. 
And the best thing, by far, is that we're both free. 

You see, I was so scared of prison that I didn't even acknowledge the fact that I was already there - a personal prison of my own making, like barbed wire and bars around my heart; the kind of prison that would have kept two people like us apart forever. 
Assuming that you are happy and knowing that you are happy are two very, very different things. It took the most impossible of romances, a cop and a courtesan, to make me realise that life was just in front of me, well within my reach, if I could only stretch out and grab it—
And I finally figured out what it really is to protect someone, and it's something no job ever could have taught me. Caring for somebody, really protecting them - that's a full-time career. It's something you do when you arrive home safe every evening; when you curl up beside them in bed; when you make love to them. I look at Toshiya now, and I think: I want to hold you forever; I want to wrap you up. 

Next to me in bed, he sighs softly before his eyes reluctantly open; languidly, he drags himself up and settles back against his pillow, smiling at me sleepily. 
"Hey," he says softly, "What are you doing up? It's late." He wriggles contentedly. "I thought you would have been all tired out." 
I hold out my arm and he snuggles in next to me, his hand fanning across my chest possessively. He taps the notebook I hold on my lap, "Still writing your book?" 
I kiss the top of his head, relaxing into him. "Yes, but I think it's almost finished now. I've got my happy ending," I say, and feel him smile against my skin. Daintily, he lays a light little kiss right on my nipple, brushing his lips over the flesh teasingly. 
"Oh yeah?" he asks, "How are you going to finish it?" 
I feel my stomach dip, just as it does so often when I'm with him; his fingers rub soothing patterns over my belly, circling lower and lower all the time.
"I don't know," I say, getting a little breathless as he tugs gently at the waist of the boxers I had worn to bed. "I'm trying to think of a good way to say it." 
"Mm?" he traces a finger over my dick carefully, feeling the flesh begin to flush and harden beneath his touch, "Say what, Karou?"
I shift, trying to stop my hips from jerking upwards into his hand; with those few touches, he is starting to unravel me, reeling me out like a spool, making me feel undone.
"Just that I - ah - I got everything I never knew I wanted. Got everything I never even knew I needed." I beam down at him, feeling his hand still as he listens to me. "And that since I met you, I have been more scared, angry, beaten, kidnapped and just plain exhausted than I've ever been in my life. And..."
"And?" he asks, nervously biting his beautiful lower lip; weak, I can't resist kissing him. 
"And," I finish, "Somehow, out of all that, you've made it so that...you've made me happier than I ever thought I could be. And that the only thing I'm scared of now is the thought of you going away from me, because I have never in my life felt the way..." I hesitate, swallow anxiously, "The way I feel when I'm with you." 

There is a pause. I shrug, growing a little self-conscious as he stares at me, in spite of the arousal flickering at the bottom of my stomach. Something about his hundred-watt gaze can still made me feel like his is staring right in to the core of me; like I have nothing to hide. Slowly, he pulls the sheet off me and crawls between my legs, his beautiful skin completely bare in the moonlight that streams in through the window. No matter how many times I see him like this, it always takes my breath away. It always will. 
"Kaoru," he says gently, "You said it. You said it." 
He stretches forward to kiss me and my notebook falls to the floor, forgotten: the book, now, is finished, and the dream stretches forth into reality - life has, at last begun. This is how we protect each other with our love; this is how we know that it was never really Kyo, but us who were the demons.
We shift our shapes, we hide ourselves; we are the only mischievous guardians of our own pleasure-loving, wandering souls. I'll take him, take care of him; protect him, always. 

THE END

Comments

[lady-sb.livejournal.com]

*happy sigh*

That is all I can really say. You should know by now how much I love this, how much pleasure it has brought me reading it over the past few weeks. Well done ^^

PS: Thanks for not making us wait!

[libra-iruka.livejournal.com]

And the Easter Bunny came early! Yay, it was wonderful, and it had a happy ending I wasn't expecting!

[tcharlatan.livejournal.com]

Such a sweet little love story... <3 Just perfect!

[aibashi.livejournal.com]

god. i can't believe it's already done...
i've said this a million times, but now that is finally finished i can say this is one of my favourite kaoruxtoshiya fics, and definitely the one which i've enjoyed the most from the probably past few years.

every chapter was perfect in its own way, not to mention toshiya's character, and kaoru's and the relationship of the two of them together.
i'm so glad that after everything that had happened, there was a happy ending, and this epilogue left me with a smile on my face after the last two chapters brought tears to my eyes.

i hope to read more from you! your writing is enthralling and beautiful and it's impossible not to be adicted to your stories.

thanks again for sharing it!
♡

[andrew-in-drag.livejournal.com]

aw, thank you! and thank you so much for commenting throughout - it's meant a LOT to me to have your consistent support!

you've given such lovely comments, too, I don't know how I can ever thank you!

I can't believe Protect Me is finished. Mind you, it's Easter Sunday, so I'm all set to debut my NEW fic later today! xx

[aibashi.livejournal.com]

you're more than welcome! like i said it has been a while since a good chaptered kaoruxtoshiya fic started to be written so i could only comment and basically be addicted to it.

and omg new fic!!!!
so excited, can't wait for reading it.

[deg-no-kasumi.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm late to comment but... It's the better Dir en Grey fic I've ever read, by far... You made a little most of 20 days of angst, love and happiness... and you made it perfectly ! I want to thank you for it ! Your charcters are very credible and I would know them... I want them to have a good life 'cuz I like them very much (Kaoru, most of all u_u)... I enjoyed it !!!! <3 I hope you'll be writing a new fic on Dir... with such a talent, it's a crime if you don't ^^ once again, THANK YOU for all these good moments with them... and with you =3

[andrew-in-drag.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you so much!

I'd really like to thank you, as well, for commenting throughout this fic. It's been really inspirational to me, knowing that I have dedicated readers!

And, I'm all ready to post the first chapter of y new fic later on today! It's my little easter egg.

[manabou.livejournal.com]

Aw, beautiful! ヽ(；▽；)ノ I didn't have the time to write a comment when I read it on my iPhone xD sorry...
I'm so happy they ended up together like this. That they get to do something they want And be together ! :D <3 when there weren't so many chapters left I tried to prepare for the worst, I thought that it could end up with them not together, but this... I'm more than pleased. Thank you, I'll definitely read your coming story. I saw that it's ready uploaded 8) And that it's Kaoru and Toshiya again !
Thank you for writing this wonderful story

[jrock-miso.livejournal.com]

At a lost for words after reading the entire thing
I love your writing Addicted to it I really should say

[kaorukos-candy.livejournal.com]

Again great fiction, a pleasure to read (...and kept me from working argh!)
Thanks for sharing!^^ I'm looking forward to new KaoxTotchi-fictions from you :D

[andrew-in-drag.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you! Glad you enjoyed :)

[velvet-liquor.livejournal.com]

Finally, I decided today was the day to read it. And I have to admit, the story had me captivated until the very end. I dearly like this one, more so that the previous I've read (A momentary lapse in reason), probably because this one is a bit more angsty somewhere in the middle, or maybe was is this feeling of "it's all gonna go crashing down" we have from the very beginning... It's almost exhilarating, to read, to see Kaoru's thoughts after all of that had happened, the doubts he should have had, and yet, he still went on with it, too in love with Toshiya to even remember how to use his brain instead of his heart... A big plus for the writing in this one. All along, I thought "fuck, this is good... ♥". I definitely enjoyed reading it, and I'm sure I'll enjoy reading it again in a little while~

And ooooh god, when Toshiya had to decide if he wanted to pledge himself to Kyo or end Kaoru's life... Dang! I almost felt as if I was in Kaoru's shoes when Toshiya kissed Kyo... But once more, Toshiya just sacrificed himself until he could fly away from all this an run away together with Kaoru.. ♥

Oh and Toshiya clearly saying he wanted to have sex with Kaoru while he was in the elevator with other people.. PRICELESS. I can only imagine how shocked those poor people must have been XD THOUGH... I wouldn't mind having a free show... And you know, you can almost make me forget I prefer Kaoru x Die... Your Toshiya always manage to be perfect for Kaoru, one way or another.. and that's what I love with your writing~

So now, I will be waiting until you post that 15th chapter of Fifteen Years to read it~ 8D And I have that feeling I'm gonna love it.

To sum it up: I. LOVED. IT. ♥

[vmnoneko.livejournal.com]

Oh, a happy ending*o*! I didn't expect it but it's such a perfect ending~

I enjoyed reading this fic thoroughly. Your writing style is sexy, sensual, dark but there were still parts that made me smile, the pureness of Kaoru's feelings, that feeling of wanting to give your whole, your everything to protect that one person that mattered to you...Thank you so much for writing this! I'm so glad I read this fic^^ and I see you posted the prologue of House of Cards! Yayy!

[rosswen91.livejournal.com]

I finally made it here, and liked this story very much!
You're very talented!
Thanks for writing and sharing!

[pappmensch.livejournal.com]

I already told you that I really like "House of Cards". That is why I decided to read "Protect me", too, supposing that this story would cover Aoi's and Uruha's experiences. The Kaoru/Toshiya pairing thus confused me, but I read it nevertheless. And I liked it - as an independent work of art. On the other hand I also think that your writing style really improved and I'm kind of disappointed that I know how everything will work out now. In my opinion, "House of Cards" is more mature and elaborated, especially Kyo's character and the yakuza terms and entanglements. This story was enjoyable and thrilling, but it also was foreseeable and I somehow didn't like the (happy) ending. Your new creation is more electrifying & more intense, sophisticated. I know that it is too late now, but I somehow want "House of Cards" to be independent from this narrative, probably because I simply sympathize so much with Kyo (and hoped that he'd soften) and prefer the way you write nowadays.

[andrew-in-drag.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks!
It sounds arrogant, but I agree with you one hundred percent. It's funny, because I didn't write Protect Me that long ago, but it feels like...ages! I definitely agree I've gotten better: I guess I feel like I have more of an adult writing style now.
On the other hand, I think part of the reason 'House of Cards' seems well-thought-out by comparison is because simply, a lot of the bones of the story were already there, and a lot of other details and plot-points would have to be 'moulded' to fit - having all that stuff established let me free to think up more characters and little details, which ultimately I'm happier doing.
As for the ending, hopefully what I have in mind will satisfy everybody - as it stands (in my head at least), it certainly satisfies me. Kyo is my favourite character to write, but he rarely gets happy endings. They tend to be pretty bittersweet for him!
I hope you'll like it. Right now, I'm just happy you sympathize with him - considering what a bastard he is, I think that's a bit of a triumph ;)