PROTECT ME: CHAPTER TWENTY

[andrew_in_drag]

Title: Protect Me
Author: andrew_in_drag
Pairing: Kaoru x Toshiya
Rating: mature
Warnings: sex, rudeness, swears, boyish attitudes, AU
Chapter: 20/23
Previously: prologue >> one >> two >> three >> four >> five >> six 
>> seven >> eight >> nine >> ten >> eleven >> twelve >> thirteen 
>> fourteen >> fifteen >> sixteen >> seventeen >> eighteen 
>> nineteen
Synopsis: “Toshimasa Hara. Even now I sometimes find it hard to decide if his name gives me heartache or a headache…”

As a police officer in Shinsekai, Osaka, Kaoru has seen his fair share of trouble. Chaos takes a human form, however, in Toshiya Hara, a young local who seems intent on showing him that sometimes the right way is not always the good way, and that sometimes the wrong way can be the path to redemption...

PART THREE: DEMONS
CHAPTER TWENTY


"Oh, I see." 
We were frozen, we were silent. We might both have been stuck in amber, in time. We might all have been stone: our stone bodies, his stone heart.
"It's all so clear."
I felt my heart pounding wildly in my chest, like drums leading me into battle. Next to me, Toshiya panted roughtly. His clothes were out of order, his lips reddened and cheeks flushed; he looked, even to me, utterly incriminated. 
"Kyo," he pleased, his hand gripping mine tightly, "Kyo, please—"
"Shut up," he said calmly, and Toshiya's voice instantly subsided. I stared at my captor's face, but trying to gauge how he felt was useless: his face was like one of the demon masks at the Noh theatre, fixed and grim, smiling in some frightening and otherworldly way - for he was smiling, his face stretched in a wide, painful, unnatural grimace, like a carved pumpkin within which the candle had been extinguished. His teeth were bared, and I understood it wasn't a smile: it was a snarl. 
With shaking legs, Toshiya got to his feet. His shirt was still open, his eyes blazing: I understood, in that moment, that he was done being pushed around. 

"You can't do this," he announced, his voice strong and feverishly pitched. "You can't control everything, and you can't control me. I love him, and if you try to stop—"
"Toshiya, if you can't be quiet, then you will leave me with no choice but to silence you." 
Visions of the mute man's tongueless mouth danced sickly before my eyes and Kyo nodded slightly, content with Toshiya's hush. "I want to talk to our guest," he continued smoothly, "The esteemed officer Kaoru, who couldn't tell the difference between true love and true trickery...and it seems he still can't." 
Body tensed, I glared up at him. His face was no perfectly blank, a plastered-over wall. 
"Say what you want," I said softly, measuring each intonation for calmness, "It won't change anything. The authorities are settling with you. You have to set me free, and when you do, Toshiya's coming with me." 
Kyo's expression didn't even flicker. 
"Do you honestly believe that, Kaoru?" he asked me quietly. "You really think that he won't betray you, like he betrayed me?" He smiled slightly, as if amused. "When I put you two together, don't you think I anticipated this would happen? I know Toshiya better than anybody living on this earth - and that includes you, although perhaps not for much longer. Don't think you've played me for a fool, Kaoru. I knew what would happen."
His hand gently strayed to the handle of his wakizashi and petted it fetishistically.

"Toshiya," he said matter-of-factly, "Was bound to fall for the idea of you. I took that as a given. A decent man, pillar of the community—" he grinned suddenly, "Squeaky clean record, and the ability to clear his name of the numerous crimes he's committed over the years - I imagine all that was quite attractive to him." He paused for a beat. "Tell me, Kaoru, just how much are you sacrificing for him? Your job, I'll bet, for a start. Your home. Your friends. Even your family, unless you can really picture yourself making the introductions. But do you know why you're sacrificing all these things?"
My jaw clenched. 
"Because I love him," I replied firmly. 
"Bingo. Of course. You love him - but he doesn't really fit into your life, does he? Not the way he fits into mine."
"You're wrong," I argued coarsely, "He doesn't fit into your life. He deserves better - better than you - and I'm going to give that to him."
Kyo quirked an eyebrow, amused. 
"You really think so?" he asked smoothly. "You think you can be intelligent enough to keep him occupied; interesting enough to keep him entertained?" He cast a mocking, disdainful eye over my body, "You really think you can keep up with him sexually?" 
Kyo sighed. "You're living in a fantasy world - both of you, but you most of all, Kaoru. You believe you can make this work? That you can really settle down with a man who betrayed you to your worst enemies; who was unfaithful to you..." he smirked, "Many, many times? Even when he was playing his part to perfection, Kaoru, he still kept scuttling home to get what he needed from me - because that's how he is. It's how he'll always be. And I think, deep down, you know that."
I looked at Toshiya. During Kyo's speech, he had retreated into the corner. He cried absolutely silently. 

In the quiet of the room, I swallowed. 
"Toshiya loves me," I said determinedly. My throat was dry. 
"Oh, I don't doubt it," Kyo sneered, "He loves you, yes - or at least, he wants to love you - but he lusts after me, and time will tell which is more important." His lip curled. "Don't feel bad, Kaoru. I'm sure he feels very safe with you."
With no warning, he spun on his heel and faced Toshiya where he was crumpled in the corner, tears coursing down his cheeks unendingly. 
"What about you?" Kyo asked gently, squatting down to face him on his own level. "Did you think you could do it, Totchi? Running away fro the person you are - think it'll be easy?"
Toshiya shook his head hard, yanking on a lock of his own hair punishingly. 
"You don't—" he paused, sobbing wrenchingly, "You don't understand - you don't understand anything. I did what I had to do. I love Kaoru. He's all I want." He gasped a breath, steadying himself, and wiped the tears from his face stubbornly, "You've never understood, and you never will. Why bother? You don't know love, Kyo. You don't get it at all..." fresh tears spilled down his cheeks, "And why should you? The only thing you've ever loved, you couldn't even fight for." In his lap, his hands formed fists, "All the years I've known you, you've always - you've just - you made me believe that I was only worth what somebody was willing to pay for me!"
He paused for breath, eyes electric, "Kaoru sees differently, Kyo. He sees - he sees me. He loves me, Kyo. And that's more important than anything." He sniffed. There were no more tears, now; slowly, he got to his feet. His breathing was unsteady, but strong. 
"He's the only thing I've ever gotten right in my whole life, so if you want to take him away from me - well, you're going to have to kill me." He laughed a little hysterically, "And I don't think even you are so immune to love that you can do that." He cocked his chin upwards triumphantly, "And I may not get it right first time, but that man—" he pointed at me definitely, his finger shaking slightly, "Will never give up on me. I can fuck up everything in my life except this, because he won't let me." He smiled, exhilarated, "So what's it going to be, Kyo?"

I marvelled at him. His shoulders were pushed back, his chest thrust out confidently. Gone was the boy crying in the corner: here was the man I was in love with; the man who was in love with me. Tough until the end; steel, covered by soft and pretty clothes. 
And Kyo faltered. For the first time ever, he faltered, and his face lost its Noh mask of cool collection. He wheeled around wildly, his eyes coming to rest on me. 
He was panicking. 
"Kaoru?" he demanded roughly, "You can't really think - you can't believe—?"
"It's his choice," I said proudly, smiling at my lover. In return, he beamed at me, and I knew that our faces at that moment betrayed all the love that we felt for each other; all the faith we had in each other—
There was a flash of metal as Kyo lunged; the sound of a blade being pulled; before I could even react, his small sword was pressed to my neck, already nicking the skin deep enough to produce a thin line of blood. 
"His choice?" he hissed, "His choice? Fine!"
"Kyo—!" I heard Toshiya's scream as if from a distance, I was so focussed on that line of metal over my throat. 
"Your choice!" Kyo shouted, blade pressing upwards against my jaw as he spun us both around to face my lover fully, "You love him - fine! Use that love, buy his freedom!"
He clamped his teeth viciously, calming himself down. "I always win," he said, voice deadly slow, "You need to understand that." 
His hand on my shoulder felt like something disconnected, it was so cold, and the fingers bit like claws. "Only Toshiya can save you now, so let's see if he loves you enough." He jerked his head upward, staring at my lover fixedly, "Come on, Totchi, let's make a deal. You owe me a life and, one way or another, I'm getting one. Pledge yourself to me. Stay with me forever, and I'll let him go."
He paused. I could feel his breathing, rapid in spite of his steady voice. 
"Refuse, and he dies. Right here, right now." 
There was a beat of silence as all the blood seemed to drain out of Toshiya's face. His hands returned, shaking, to his sides; he stared at Kyo, at me, at Kyo. 
Kyo's grip tightened itself on my shoulder. 
"Your choice." 


>> to chapter twenty-one >>

Comments

[aibashi.livejournal.com]

..dkldjgka.
omg.
this is such a cliffhanger!!
i can't believe you stop it there.

i never thought they were going against kyo like that, especially not toshiya, but that was great anyway. his speech was perfect, as it is his feelings for kaoru and the knowledge kaoru will do anything for him.

i'm not sure if i want to know toshiya's answer... ;;

[andrew-in-drag.livejournal.com]

wow, you're so fast, too!!

I know it's a massive cliffhanger. I'm mean like that! x

[aibashi.livejournal.com]

i was just checking my f-list and i saw your update, and i couldn't feel any luckier!

...
yes you are.
but your writing and your fics are worth the wait.