BREAK THE LIMITS: 17a/33

[andrew_in_drag]

Title: Break the Limits
Author: andrew_in_drag 
Pairing: Yoshiki x hide
Rating: mature
Warnings: foul language, yaoi, rock 'n roll excess
Genre: AU to bandfic
Note: I first wrote this fic about three (?) years ago, when I was still hallelujah_hide. Oddly enough, I still like it, so I thought I would move it here to my new journal. 
Synopsis: May 1998: Yoshiki Hayashi breaks down in a temple as he tries to take in the news that has changed his life forever - Hideto Matsumoto, the man he has been in love with for seventeen years, is dead. As the other mourners try to comfort him, Yoshiki finds himself falling back through history - to the day when it all began; the day when he met a boy who would, truly, break the limits...

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN [A]:

“Breathe in deep, and cleanse away our sins

And we’ll pray that there’s no God to punish us…”

– ‘Fury’, Muse

I heard the click of the latch on my hotel room door as Hide used his body weight to close it. I hovered, halfway between the doorway and the bed, breathing deeply. I felt utterly exuberant. Hide wasn’t smiling.

Gently, I moved forwards to take his hands, pressing the knuckles to my lips.

“You aren’t…” I paused, “Are you having second thoughts?” Swallow. “Because we don’t have to do anything. We can just – just talk, if you’d prefer, or…”

He placed his hand directly on my crotch and gave a gentle squeeze to the erection straining at my pants, smiling when I gasped.

“We can just kiss,” I continued weakly, “If you want.”

Carefully, he guided my back to the wall so I was pressed up against it; with a peculiar look in his eyes, he dropped to his knees before me. His slim, agile hands were already working at the zip of my pants. Suddenly I felt as though there was no air in the room at all. He peeled away jeans and undergarments, ran his soothing hands up my thighs, smiling softly at my look of hypnotized enchantment – because I couldn’t look away, not then and not ever; not when his beautiful face and beautiful nose and beautiful lips were just centimetres away from the head of my already dripping erection. He smiled and teased me, pressing kisses to my inner thighs and tracing his fingers down my dick, the sensation feather light and not enough, nowhere near enough—

With his eyes fixed on mine, he bestowed a dainty, cherishing kiss to the tip of my erection. Then, very deliberately, he licked his lips.   

My whole body shook with the effort to stop myself from coming straight away; it was unbelievable, how worked up he got me, how breathless. His fingers continued their light work, exploring my dick more than anything else, and I twined my fingers in his hair desperately.

“Hide,” I husked, and he took me into his mouth.

I’d imagined him going down on me so many times; to actually experience it, know it, want it for what it was, was nothing short of mind-blowing. It was shy and sweet and sexy as hell, and as I gasped his name to the ceiling I had some kind of epiphany. I could tell that he had never done it before, never given head to a man before in his life…but when he knelt before me, I knew he was doing his best to pleasure me, because he seemed to automatically know all my nuances – how to and when to and where to – and it was bliss, pure bliss. It was all I could do not to sob with it. It just so happened that the way he went down suited me perfectly: that was the epiphany, that it was another sign we were meant to be together – made for each other, as surely and perfectly as if the fates had created our blueprints with only the other in mind. The fortune to find my other half – how often did luck like that occur? Once in a blue moon, I told myself, and stroked my thumbs tenderly down his cheeks.

“Oh God,” I gasped, “Oh, God,” and he squeezed his eyes shut. He slid back until only the head of my dick was between his lips and, pulling away, gave me an uncertain smile before ducking down to blow a stream of cold air over my hot, wet flesh.

I writhed. I was barely able to support myself, even leaning on the wall; my legs were shaking so hard, I was sure the only thing keeping me upright was the thought of hurting him if I fell – but then he pressed a single, hot, hard kiss to the underside of my dick, and my legs folded beneath me like a house of cards. I landed hard on my knees, but it didn’t hurt, because he shoved me back against the wall and kissed me ferociously; a quick, deep kiss that left me struggling for breath.

“Hide,” I groaned, precum leaking from my erection like pearls, “Please—”

He guided my hands to his waist and helped me take off his shirt. He was as beautiful as ever, his nipples erect as he panted, and he let out a long moan as I reached forth to rub him through his pants.

I wanted to freeze time then and there. Made for each other. We were made for each other.

When we collapsed onto the hotel quilt, it was so different from our first time. Back then we’d been so innocent, really, and so eager to explore each other – but had we changed so much, really? I still loved the feeling I got every time he walked into a room; the feeling in the pit of my stomach, in a rush, like something amazing was about to happen.

My pants were already open to my thighs; he dragged them down and kicked them unceremoniously off the bed. They landed in a puddle on the floor and were quickly followed by my underwear. I could feel myself shaking in anticipation: Hide had brought me to the edge and back already. It reminded me of a trick he’d played once, maybe a thousand years ago, at the train station: coming up behind me, he’d shoved me towards the edge of the platform so I’d yelped – but his hands had already been firmly around my waist, holding me tight, and he’d whispered in my ear, “Saved your life.” That’s what it had felt like – like I’d been falling, blissfully falling, only to have him yank me back. My dick throbbed and he placed a teasing hand around it, pulling the moan from my throat. My hands trembled as I stumbled my way through stripping him; smiling knowingly, he raised his hips against mine.

Fuck. I grabbed those evil hips and placed a kiss just below his navel – and then suddenly stopped, looking up at him, because our gazes had locked, and I loved him so much I could hardly think straight. His eyes were dark with desire, reaching out for me, and when I touched him I could feel the twitch in his body where his breath had caught. Hesitantly, he raised himself up on his elbows. I nestled my head upon his lower stomach and beamed up at him, wrapping my arms around the sweet softness of his skin.

“Yoshi…” he licked his lips nervously, “Don’t you want to…?”

“Oh, I do,” I assured him, still smiling, “It’s just that I want to look at you first. You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re here. Can’t believe how lucky I am.” I wriggled my shoulders contentedly, missing the uncertainty that crept into his smile, and sighed with pleasure. “You’re like a dream. All of you, you’re like a dream.”

He angled his head so his eyes didn’t meet mine, and tenderly ran a hand through my hair.

“We can’t do this,” he said lowly. “Toshi already suspects something, and if the others find out they’ll crucify us.”

Reluctantly, I sat up, cupping his pretty face with my hand.

“What are you saying?” I asked, my high spirits waning, and he smiled sadly into my touch.

“That if I can only have you this once, I’d kind of like to make the most of it.”

Tears were in my eyes as I kissed a path to his dick and gave it an experimental lick, distracting him whilst I gently inserted two fingers, slick with hotel body lotion, inside him. Last time, we’d fumbled uncertainly, concealing our nerves with soft laughter…this time, I promised myself, everything would be perfect. He gasped at the feeling of my fingers but didn’t break eye-contact for a second. His thumb brushed a tear from the top of my cheek.

And I didn’t know why I was even crying – something to do with the way he touched me, maybe, so tentative; as if he didn’t feel he really had the right – or how he always brought me to tears so quickly. All I knew was that I was lying on a bed with the person I loved most in the world, two fingers forging a connection between his beautiful body and mine, and I was filled with such a mix of emotions – of arousal, certainly; lust, desire, passion, despair…

Love, it all came down to love, and the bizarre spell Hideto had cast on me.

I bent my fingers my fingers gently, placing my free hand on the soft skin of his abdomen, and almost thought I saw his eyes darken when I found the right place within him. He inhaled sharply, linking my free hand with his, and with a lump in my throat I bent to kiss the place between his collarbones. Smiling into his skin, I pressed gently against his prostate, and was rewarded with his tiny, desperate movement against my body.

“You’re going to tease me?” he asked softly, his voice throaty, and I gave a small shake of the head.

“No…” I was surprised to find that my speech was oddly hoarse, too, “I couldn’t.”

From his half-sitting position, Hide sank back against the bedspread, pulling me with him. It hadn’t occurred to us to get between the sheets, not when our groins were pressing together so deliciously, and one tiny shift of my hips and I was there, pressing against him, so hot and hard that he gasped.

Once you do this, a voice told me warningly, it cannot be undone.

With my head down, I pushed inside him, my heart leaping at the sudden warmth and tightness. I’m sure my fingers left prints on his hips: I was squeezing so tightly to stop myself from losing control. I looked up to see him biting his lip, coping with the initial discomfort, and I remembered how clumsily I had entered him the first time, and the pain that had written itself like a guilty word over his face, and how bad I’d felt until he’d taken my hand and smiled.

“It’ll be worth it, you know.”

This time, he wriggled a little and wrapped a long, beautiful leg over my hip to pull me deeper.

I could have lost my mind inside of him, feeling his staccato heartbeat as it sped up, allegro, and I had the curious sensation that I was playing him like a piano; taking my cues from the beautiful sounds, the beautiful music…

“Fuck,” he exhaled, his head falling back to expose the long line of his throat, “Yoshiki, please…”

I pulled back and drowned in him again.

“Please what?” I husked, my arms shaking beneath the weight of what I was doing.

“Just please!” he cried nonsensically, pushing his hips upward with impatience that made me grin. I was leaving him on the edge, begging, like he’d done to me, my thrusts slow and deep and hard as I revelled in the feeling of his body; the oneness.

“It’s just you,” I murmured, “I know it. I’ve got that feeling. It’s always gonna be you for me; forever.”

“Yes,” he sighed, “God, yes, Yoshi—”

I flattened myself against him and thrust in hard, feeling his dick rub against my lower stomach. It was such an openly sexual feeling that I could have come right there, except he was holding onto me and moaning, and nothing else mattered but giving him the pleasure he deserved.

“I think about this,” he gasped deliriously, “I think about it, imagine it, all the time…”

I groaned, feeling as if I was sinking beneath the sensuous feeling of his bare skin, and watched as he closed his eyes. “Oh fuck,” he breathed, “Don’t stop…”

I could have laughed, because I would rather have died than stopped. I felt his dick throb deliciously against my stomach and ground against it, putting all my soul into what I was doing; loving him, cherishing him, fucking him so hard he seemed unable to think straight, for all he could do was gasp my name, and tears of ecstasy were pooling in the corners of his eyes. It was captivating, truly spellbinding to push inside him and know that I was the one doing that to him; entrancing to thrust in deep and not pull back, but keep going, rubbing gently against his prostate and feeling his body writhe against mine. He let out a strangled scream, pulling me all the closer; gasping my name; his muscles tightening as I drew back and pounded into him—

And he was gone, lost, sobbing his orgasm as it hit him.

“Yoshi,” he moaned lowly, and I let go. For a moment, my mind went completely white, all senses attuned only to him.

And then, panting, I collapsed on the bed next to him, tears in my eyes as I wondered how I had ever got so lucky.