BREAK THE LIMITS: 8/33

[andrew_in_drag]

Title: Break the Limits
Author: andrew_in_drag 
Pairing: Yoshiki x hide
Rating: mature
Warnings: foul language, yaoi, rock 'n roll excess
Genre: AU to bandfic
Note: I first wrote this fic about three (?) years ago, when I was still hallelujah_hide. Oddly enough, I still like it, so I thought I would move it here to my new journal. 
Synopsis: May 1998: Yoshiki Hayashi breaks down in a temple as he tries to take in the news that has changed his life forever - Hideto Matsumoto, the man he has been in love with for seventeen years, is dead. As the other mourners try to comfort him, Yoshiki finds himself falling back through history - to the day when it all began; the day when he met a boy who would, truly, break the limits...

CHAPTER EIGHT:

“I will never cry at night again

Wrap my arms around him and pretend…”

– ‘Coin-Operated Boy’, The Dresden Dolls

We hardly spoke on the way back to my house. My lips were still tingling, and I felt that if I tried to speak I would scream from joy. So like Hide, to bite and then kiss. I hoped there were teeth marks on my earlobe. I hoped they would stay forever. I wanted to freeze the wet footsteps we left in the foyer as a memory of that day, that glorious day. And God, I was so young, I hardly knew what I wanted – just that I wanted him; wanted his beautiful body wrapped around mine; wanted something so big I couldn’t even put it into words. I wanted completion. I wanted to break the limits.

He closed my bedroom door carefully behind us and leant against it uncertainly.

“Yoshi…” that nickname again. I shifted my hands to grip his hips and kissed him, just gently, even though all I wanted to do was jump on him. His hands tangled themselves into mine and he nibbled softly on my lip before pulling back and away from the door, guiding me towards the bed. All our movements were so unsure, so measured; each one performed whilst staring at the other in a haze, trying to determine if all of this was as right as it felt.

He perched on the side of the bed, his hands moving fluidly from my fingers to my sides, sliding up my back and pulling me forwards.

“Can we take this off?” I might have asked, fingering the hem of his shirt bashfully, and his face relaxed into a smile.

“Why, don’t you like it?” he teased, but slowly pulled the swampy mass of damp fabric over his head. I take it as a mark of my youth that I can’t remember what was on the shirt; only that it was red, like so many of his clothes. At that stage, I was far more concerned with what lay beneath it; with his cold hands against the warm skin of my stomach.

“I like this more,” I stated, smiling, rubbing an experimental palm over his ribcage. I could feel those fragile, dainty little bones beneath my fingers, and all of a sudden I just couldn't stand it anymore – that he was there, bare-chested for me, for me, his hair wet and beautiful and making him shiver. I had to kiss him; had to kiss him in such a way that he’d stay kissed, and when I felt his warm, pointy tongue against my lower lip I knew I was a breath away from heaven.

Even looking back, it seems difficult to believe. Surreal, really. The whole encounter took place, for me, as if I were watching it from above; a calm spectator of those two young teenage bodies. I watched them shake and shiver; watched them kiss, lose each other and find each other again. I felt the adrenaline rushing through their veins. My heart ached; it beat so fast for them. His hands burned like fire when they skittered over my stomach and up my chest, exploring me, ending their journey looped around my shoulders, where he pulled me down on top of him and kissed me so deeply that even today, I still blush.

“Yoshi…” he murmured, and suddenly I was back inside myself, electrified, every nerve screaming approval as my fingers traced their way down the side of his bare thighs.

“Mm?” was my only response. I’d busied myself pushing his wet hair back and kissing my way over the skin of his throat, soft as snow. He looked like everything I’d ever wanted; everything I’d ever dreamed about – that pure white angel against my black sheets, the tangle of limbs. That colour contrast seared him into my memory; black and white, like a photograph…like a funeral.

“I lied,” he said quickly, “I’m sorry. When I said I’d done this before…”

“You’re a virgin?” I stuttered, blushing with inexperience, and he nodded shyly.

“I wanted to impress you,” he admitted, “But…” he smiled suddenly, reaching to brush some hair from my eyes, “I’m no wiser than you.” He paused to consider this. “Well, maybe a little wiser…”

He took my hand and began sucking on the forefinger gently, as if to prove it, and smiled around my skin when I groaned into his collarbone.

“It’s okay,” I gasped, “I know a – a little.”

He administered an affectionate bite to the end of my finger and released it, grinning at me mischievously.

“How much?” His small, warm hand closed around my erection, “This much?”

“That much,” I agreed in a rush, feeling all the blood in my body flowing towards his touch, “God, Hide, you’re gonna kill me…!”

He rubbed his thumb over the head of my dick absently, making me curl my toes in pleasure, his deep, dark eyes searching my face.

“This is right,” he concluded, “Isn’t it? With you.” His face lit up with the affection he would display to his audiences in later years, “I never thought it’d be someone like you.” He slid the heel of his palm south, agonizingly slowly, pulling the whimper from my throat, “You’re so different to everyone I’ve ever met, Yoshi.”

“I’m not wild,” I gasped, “Or exciting…”

He threw his head back and laughed, and I felt the vibration through my whole body.

“Touch me,” he smiled, guiding my hand between his thighs, “Here. That’s how exciting you are. I can’t…” he shook his head, “I don’t know how to say it right; the way I feel it. But you’re the best person I’ve ever met.”

I let my index finger slip tenderly over his balls, travelling on impulse, and his eyes widened in a way that might have been comical were it not so adorable.

“Yoshiki,” he whispered, “If I forget – I mean – I’m not good at saying it.” He gave a breathless little laugh and shrugged, the movement sending a delicious shudder through both our bodies, “Never have been. But I love you, too.”

There weren’t many more words after that. It was all I could do just to kiss him until his whole body went almost boneless beneath mine, and I could feel his erection smearing an indecent trail across my lower stomach.

“Yoshi,” he gasped, sliding a hand down my back to caress my ass in a way that I could only really describe as needy, “Please—” he pulled me harder against him and I inhaled sharply, because I could feel the blood pounding through his chest and his veins and his dick and it was heaven, pure heaven to know that all that was for me.  

“What?” I murmured, and he thrust against me desperately. Thinking back, Hide was a pretty sexual person for his tender years (to say nothing of how he was in later life) – and probably, he turned me into one, too. I didn’t know it would be so addictive: the feeling of his naked skin brushing against mine, setting my nerves on fire; the frantic way he ground his rock hard dick between my thighs, his head falling back and eyes fluttering closed with pleasure.  

And I loved him so much; I loved him, loved him, so much.

What we did that day in my bedroom was to set the pathways of our lives forever. I knew Hide was my first love; I didn’t know that he’d be the last, too.

But then again, when we were both gasping, our gazes locked and sweat beading on our foreheads, straining to get close enough together to, what? —To fuse, it seemed; the way I was pushing into him; the way he was pulling me closer, deeper …at that moment, maybe I did know. Maybe it was the way we made love with our eyes wide open with shock, so amazed that there was so much bliss to be found; maybe it was the way he scrabbled his fingers against my chest and sighed between my lips that he loved me – just how much he loved me. And it didn’t matter if our eyes were a little wet; our voices a little shaken; our smiles wavering and ragged around the edges…it didn’t matter one little bit.

I should have known then that there was no getting over that.  

He collapsed against me, helpless with pleasure, panting my name.

Breaking the limits.

And that was the end of the innocent days.

END OF PART ONE