I was thinking of leaving a comment for a while now, so after reading your A/N decided maybe I'll do it now. Perhaps only because I know how you feel :) Feedback is essential, othervise you wouldn't post a story and just keep it for yourself in your laptop. I know how much it sucks when you barely get any reviews... makes you think why I even bother :)
Anyways, what I wanted to say was I finished reading the first fanfic and didn't comment, because I felt that Toshiya's reasons were very vague for trying so hard to push Die away. In that scene in hotel room where Toshiya seemed to almost give in and tell Die why he refused to be with him I felt that there must have been a reason good enough for him to be so persistent even though obviously he loved Die (I even thought maybe Toshiya is dying). And in the end I felt a little cheated, because there was no concrete reason, just Kyo's vague explanations. Does that make sense? That's why I kind of stopped commenting, I don't like telling people what I didn't really like about the story - usually author just gets upset over it... :(
But now, after there is another side to the story from Kyo's perspective, not only can I see that Toshiya fucking around with Kyo was not just a game, but also it gives me a deeper insight into things and hopefully an explanation in the future of why Toshiya resisted Die so much when Die finally started seeking him out so desperately.
Also, it makes me wonder how can Kyo function in life and on stage being the way he is... kind of crazy... He does sound like somebody who belongs in an asylum! :P
In the first fic I loved Kyo moments, and I loved the scene where Die almost managed to crack Toshiya, and I loved Die's character a lot :) In this side-story I really liked the part with Natsumi, the events that followed their conversation about abortion. "It was as if the pregnancy had been switched, and that long-dead fetus grew in my mind, instead" - this line made an impression to me, it's as if since then Kyo's mind became infected and started rotting, not functioning properly, it's as if that was the moment things started going downhill for him. And I do like Toshiya now, because this story gives more insight into the reasons of his behaviour :)
As for the "people think it's boring". We're constantly in Kyo's mind and you use lots of description (maybe not the right word, but can't find a better one), heavy images and comparisons, because you try hard to show Kyo's state of mind. For me personally, this gets a bit too much at times, but not neccesarily boring. I would be hoping some Toshiya's POV just for the sake of complete clarity of his actions; and maybe having a "sane" POV would let the reader take a break from Kyo's messed up mind. Maybe it tires some people out being constantly in Kyo's head.
I hope you don't mind my comment/critique/analysis (whatever this turned out to be). If I don't have anything nice to say about the story, I don't comment, because people react very sensitively to any kind of criticism, so I just try to save stress for myslelf and the author. But I do hope my sincere comment won't offend you. I don't think your story is bad or borring, but personally for me, it does not have all I think it could have. And this is my problem, because we all are different, we all write differently and I'm not about to tell you how to write (because you're doing fine as it is) :)
This comments is way too long >_<" I hope it made sense to you!!! Don't get upset over the lack of comments, I think only a few authors get a lot of attention over some brilliant story. I don't think getting just one comment or two is any kind of measure of how good the story is ;) That's what I keep telling myself :P
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Date: 2012-07-03 12:22 am (UTC)From:Anyways, what I wanted to say was I finished reading the first fanfic and didn't comment, because I felt that Toshiya's reasons were very vague for trying so hard to push Die away. In that scene in hotel room where Toshiya seemed to almost give in and tell Die why he refused to be with him I felt that there must have been a reason good enough for him to be so persistent even though obviously he loved Die (I even thought maybe Toshiya is dying). And in the end I felt a little cheated, because there was no concrete reason, just Kyo's vague explanations. Does that make sense?
That's why I kind of stopped commenting, I don't like telling people what I didn't really like about the story - usually author just gets upset over it... :(
But now, after there is another side to the story from Kyo's perspective, not only can I see that Toshiya fucking around with Kyo was not just a game, but also it gives me a deeper insight into things and hopefully an explanation in the future of why Toshiya resisted Die so much when Die finally started seeking him out so desperately.
Also, it makes me wonder how can Kyo function in life and on stage being the way he is... kind of crazy... He does sound like somebody who belongs in an asylum! :P
In the first fic I loved Kyo moments, and I loved the scene where Die almost managed to crack Toshiya, and I loved Die's character a lot :)
In this side-story I really liked the part with Natsumi, the events that followed their conversation about abortion. "It was as if the pregnancy had been switched, and that long-dead fetus grew in my mind, instead" - this line made an impression to me, it's as if since then Kyo's mind became infected and started rotting, not functioning properly, it's as if that was the moment things started going downhill for him.
And I do like Toshiya now, because this story gives more insight into the reasons of his behaviour :)
As for the "people think it's boring". We're constantly in Kyo's mind and you use lots of description (maybe not the right word, but can't find a better one), heavy images and comparisons, because you try hard to show Kyo's state of mind. For me personally, this gets a bit too much at times, but not neccesarily boring.
I would be hoping some Toshiya's POV just for the sake of complete clarity of his actions; and maybe having a "sane" POV would let the reader take a break from Kyo's messed up mind. Maybe it tires some people out being constantly in Kyo's head.
I hope you don't mind my comment/critique/analysis (whatever this turned out to be). If I don't have anything nice to say about the story, I don't comment, because people react very sensitively to any kind of criticism, so I just try to save stress for myslelf and the author. But I do hope my sincere comment won't offend you. I don't think your story is bad or borring, but personally for me, it does not have all I think it could have. And this is my problem, because we all are different, we all write differently and I'm not about to tell you how to write (because you're doing fine as it is) :)
This comments is way too long >_<" I hope it made sense to you!!!
Don't get upset over the lack of comments, I think only a few authors get a lot of attention over some brilliant story. I don't think getting just one comment or two is any kind of measure of how good the story is ;) That's what I keep telling myself :P