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Title: A Momentary Lapse of Reason
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
andrew_in_drag
Pairing: Kaoru x Toshiya
Rating: mature
Warnings: sex, swears
Chapter: 6/??
Previously: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
Synopsis: When it comes to healing broken hearts, Toshiya is a professional. Good-looking and charming, he makes his living by gently helping the jilted to go on with their lives, whilst steadfastly refusing to settle down himself. Boasting a one hundred percent success rate, Toshiya is sure his method is flawless - until he meets Kaoru, a lonely academic who, despite Toshiya's better judgement, starts to get under his skin...
CHAPTER SIX:
So Toshiya saw Kaoru again - and again. A second date, a third date. On the second, they held hands - Kaoru shy, Toshiya triumphant - and on the third, Kaoru slid his hands around Toshiya's waist and almost moved in for a kiss before losing his nerve and smiling anxiously, giving Toshiya a gentle, apologetic squeeze.
Toshiya found out that Kyo had broken up with Kaoru several months ago, completely out of the blue: a few quiet days, Kaoru had said, and then...
And then Toshiya had nearly seized the initiative and kissed Kaoru himself. Because he'd wanted to.
But taking control of the first kiss to compensate for Kaoru's failure was, to him, strictly forbidden, so he'd sat and stared at his lap and just squeezed Kaoru's hands. They were small and soft, the bones just as elegant as a bird's - just that easy to break, so finely turned, caught perfectly between Toshiya's large, warm palms.
Toshiya stared at the frosting of densely placed raindrops on the window, trying to quell the edgy feeling that kept itching at the inside of his skin.
There hadn't been a single instance in the past five years when he'd kissed somebody without planning it long in advance. He was used to thinking forward to second or third dates; about not waiting until the end of the evening but perhaps surprising his client with a gentle kiss as they opened their front door, or waiting until halfway through a date to slip a tender hand around their waist and then - and only then - make his move.
His first kisses were always careful, a gauge of how well his date was falling for his charms. He'd experienced good kissers and bad kissers: in fact, he was sure he'd met the worst of the worst.
Now the third date had come and gone, and he was yet to put Kaoru into either category.
He wondered how his client would kiss - whether he'd by shy or passionate or just plain awkward about it. Part of his job, he realised suddenly, should be to make Kaoru less bashful - except the other man's coyness was so charming to Toshiya, so endearing: he had enough to make five men arrogant, and yet often Toshiya caught his client shooting him looks of utter disbelief, as if he couldn't quite fathom what such a person was doing with him.
Toshiya slid his hands over the windowsill until his palms flattened and his fingers were splayed over the cool wood. He needed to get outside, he decided, regardless of the rain; sighing, he shook back the sleeves of his overlarge, black and white striped sweater - his comfort sweater, was how he always thought of it, a garment often paired with nothing grander than pyjama bottoms; for rainy days, or sad days when he just couldn't seem to scrape together the will to do anything at all.
"Come on," he said to himself softly, and began to fumble around for his favourite pair of old black jeans. Suddenly feeling stifled, he left the flat without even bothering to take an umbrella.
The streets were never deserted in Tokyo. Despondently, Toshiya splashed his way through puddles and let his jeans get soaked; his black Converse high-tops quickly became saturated, and his toes started to feel numb.
He'd never allowed a client to invade his thoughts so completely before. It wasn't just that Kaoru was good-looking - because Toshiya had to admit to himself that he was good-looking - but that something in his gestures displayed a kind of blind naïveté; something that made Toshiya feel like he was cruel to dupe him. He felt strangely as if he was kicking a dog while it was down - but then, he was helping, wasn't he?
Wasn't he?
The problem was, he supposed, that when they talked Toshiya found himself truly warming to his client. He always did, of course, but never so abruptly or so...completely.
Yes, he had to admit, he would be sad when Kaoru was ready to move on. He was kind and thoughtful and engaging and sincere, and even when Toshiya knew nothing could ever happen...
Maybe once he had healed the whole world, and got around to himself, he would look for somebody like Kaoru.
He kicked a puddle violently, sending a shower of muddy water onto a person who let out a startled squawk. Horrified, Toshiya glanced up from the pavement into an angry face that seemed to lock him in place: the man's bright hair was stuffed into a hood and his impressive physique was covered with a long coat; but still, there was no mistaking those dark, accusing eyes.
"What are you doing here?" Kyo asked savagely, shoulders squared as if for a fight; disorientated, Toshiya felt utterly dazed.
"Kyo," he stated wonderingly, and for the first time became conscious of how the cold rain was streaming down his back.
They stood on the street corner and stared at each other for a while; Kyo waiting impatiently for an answer to his question and Toshiya dumbfounded by his own bad luck. Kaoru's life was haunting him, or so he felt; he couldn't explain why Kyo felt so threatening. He felt very conscious that he looked a mess; that his hair was soaking wet and his clothes were sticking to his skin and making him shiver.
"Why shouldn't I be here?" he managed at last, and cleared his throat, "What are you doing here?"
Kyo jerked his chin angrily in the direction of a building - a beautiful, elegant townhouse that Toshiya thought he recognised.
"I'm here to pick up some more of my stuff," he said bluntly, "And Kaoru knew full well that I was coming around this afternoon, so if he invited you here to try and make me jealous or whatever—"
"He'd done no such thing!" Toshiya interrupted, affronted, "I'm just taking a walk!"
Of course, that was why he vaguely recognised the house - he'd walked past it in the dark just a few nights ago.
"Down Kaoru's street?" Kyo asked flatly, and Toshiya raised his chin a little.
"Yes," he said firmly, "Because I was thinking of dropping in. Obviously, he has plans, so I won't."
Kyo raised an eyebrow appraisingly.
"Is there ever anything you say that isn't a lie?" he asked brusquely. Lost for words, Toshiya bit his lip and waited. Kyo also seemed at a loss for anything else to say, though, so Toshiya seized the opportunity.
"Kyo," he said tentatively, "Why'd you break up with him?"
The smaller man's eyes flashed. "Fuck off."
"No..." Toshiya struggled, "Please? It's just, I know he misses you, and—"
"You think so?" Kyo smiled with a mixture of resignation and bitterness. "Look, if you must know, I dumped him because I thought he loved me, but he didn't. And I didn't even realise until I met Shinya, but I didn't love Kaoru, either."
Toshiya stared for a moment, amazed at how somebody so perceptive could be so dense.
"But he did love—"
"Stop," Kyo ordered darkly, "I don't know where you come from, really, or how well you know Kaoru, but I do know that there is no way you know him as well as I do."
"Look," Toshiya tried, pushing some wet hair back from his face, "I know you don't think much of me—"
"Don't think much of you?" Kyo's eyes flashed, "Toshiya, I'm not an idiot. I know your type. There's something weird about you that I can't put my finger on, but I'm telling you - I'll get it. And even if you've got Kaoru under your spell right now, he's not stupid either."
Kyo paused.
"I don't feel bad," he said after a minute, "Because our relationship did him no favours. But I'll admit, when I saw you with him at the library, it pissed me off because..." he hesitated, "When I looked at you, I saw a good-looking, dumb-as-fuck piece of ass, and I thought - God, what's Kaoru doing? I mean, look at you. I figured you were trying to get him for his money, or something."
Toshiya gaped, too offended to really think of a reply.
"You...what is your problem?" he asked at last, eyes wide, "If you think that of me, fine, but you should know that I'm with Kaoru because he's sweet, alright? He's sweet and thoughtful and—"
"Toshiya?"
The soft voice behind him made Toshiya spin around: Kaoru stood sheltered by a large umbrella, looking partly baffled, partly pained and partly...Toshiya might have said touched.
"Kyo," Kaoru greeted stiffly, "Your loud voice precedes you."
"Kaoru." For the first time, Kyo looked a little concerned; for a moment, he floundered, and then shrugged. "I don't take it back," he declared, "I—"
"Yes, I didn't think you would," Kaoru interrupted drily. Toshiya fidgeted, feeling out of sorts; Kaoru wasn't shy this time, wasn't miserable...
Angry. He was angry at Kyo and his whole body showed it. The poet looked a little shamed, but stood his ground, staring at Kaoru as if wondering how he was going to react.
"Kyo," Kaoru used his free hand to rub at the space between his eyes tiredly, "I will send you the rest of your things."
Whatever Kyo had been expecting, it wasn't that. His eyes jerked wider open and his mouth set itself in a grim line; just for a moment, his hands formed fists.
"But Kaoru—"
"Kyo, please." Kaoru's voice was quiet. "Just...go home."
Toshiya suddenly noticed the absence of the rain pattering against his skin. He glanced upwards, surprised, at the safe blue canopy of Kaoru's umbrella.
Author:
andrew_in_dragPairing: Kaoru x Toshiya
Rating: mature
Warnings: sex, swears
Chapter: 6/??
Previously: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
Synopsis: When it comes to healing broken hearts, Toshiya is a professional. Good-looking and charming, he makes his living by gently helping the jilted to go on with their lives, whilst steadfastly refusing to settle down himself. Boasting a one hundred percent success rate, Toshiya is sure his method is flawless - until he meets Kaoru, a lonely academic who, despite Toshiya's better judgement, starts to get under his skin...
CHAPTER SIX:
So Toshiya saw Kaoru again - and again. A second date, a third date. On the second, they held hands - Kaoru shy, Toshiya triumphant - and on the third, Kaoru slid his hands around Toshiya's waist and almost moved in for a kiss before losing his nerve and smiling anxiously, giving Toshiya a gentle, apologetic squeeze.
Toshiya found out that Kyo had broken up with Kaoru several months ago, completely out of the blue: a few quiet days, Kaoru had said, and then...
And then Toshiya had nearly seized the initiative and kissed Kaoru himself. Because he'd wanted to.
But taking control of the first kiss to compensate for Kaoru's failure was, to him, strictly forbidden, so he'd sat and stared at his lap and just squeezed Kaoru's hands. They were small and soft, the bones just as elegant as a bird's - just that easy to break, so finely turned, caught perfectly between Toshiya's large, warm palms.
Toshiya stared at the frosting of densely placed raindrops on the window, trying to quell the edgy feeling that kept itching at the inside of his skin.
There hadn't been a single instance in the past five years when he'd kissed somebody without planning it long in advance. He was used to thinking forward to second or third dates; about not waiting until the end of the evening but perhaps surprising his client with a gentle kiss as they opened their front door, or waiting until halfway through a date to slip a tender hand around their waist and then - and only then - make his move.
His first kisses were always careful, a gauge of how well his date was falling for his charms. He'd experienced good kissers and bad kissers: in fact, he was sure he'd met the worst of the worst.
Now the third date had come and gone, and he was yet to put Kaoru into either category.
He wondered how his client would kiss - whether he'd by shy or passionate or just plain awkward about it. Part of his job, he realised suddenly, should be to make Kaoru less bashful - except the other man's coyness was so charming to Toshiya, so endearing: he had enough to make five men arrogant, and yet often Toshiya caught his client shooting him looks of utter disbelief, as if he couldn't quite fathom what such a person was doing with him.
Toshiya slid his hands over the windowsill until his palms flattened and his fingers were splayed over the cool wood. He needed to get outside, he decided, regardless of the rain; sighing, he shook back the sleeves of his overlarge, black and white striped sweater - his comfort sweater, was how he always thought of it, a garment often paired with nothing grander than pyjama bottoms; for rainy days, or sad days when he just couldn't seem to scrape together the will to do anything at all.
"Come on," he said to himself softly, and began to fumble around for his favourite pair of old black jeans. Suddenly feeling stifled, he left the flat without even bothering to take an umbrella.
The streets were never deserted in Tokyo. Despondently, Toshiya splashed his way through puddles and let his jeans get soaked; his black Converse high-tops quickly became saturated, and his toes started to feel numb.
He'd never allowed a client to invade his thoughts so completely before. It wasn't just that Kaoru was good-looking - because Toshiya had to admit to himself that he was good-looking - but that something in his gestures displayed a kind of blind naïveté; something that made Toshiya feel like he was cruel to dupe him. He felt strangely as if he was kicking a dog while it was down - but then, he was helping, wasn't he?
Wasn't he?
The problem was, he supposed, that when they talked Toshiya found himself truly warming to his client. He always did, of course, but never so abruptly or so...completely.
Yes, he had to admit, he would be sad when Kaoru was ready to move on. He was kind and thoughtful and engaging and sincere, and even when Toshiya knew nothing could ever happen...
Maybe once he had healed the whole world, and got around to himself, he would look for somebody like Kaoru.
He kicked a puddle violently, sending a shower of muddy water onto a person who let out a startled squawk. Horrified, Toshiya glanced up from the pavement into an angry face that seemed to lock him in place: the man's bright hair was stuffed into a hood and his impressive physique was covered with a long coat; but still, there was no mistaking those dark, accusing eyes.
"What are you doing here?" Kyo asked savagely, shoulders squared as if for a fight; disorientated, Toshiya felt utterly dazed.
"Kyo," he stated wonderingly, and for the first time became conscious of how the cold rain was streaming down his back.
They stood on the street corner and stared at each other for a while; Kyo waiting impatiently for an answer to his question and Toshiya dumbfounded by his own bad luck. Kaoru's life was haunting him, or so he felt; he couldn't explain why Kyo felt so threatening. He felt very conscious that he looked a mess; that his hair was soaking wet and his clothes were sticking to his skin and making him shiver.
"Why shouldn't I be here?" he managed at last, and cleared his throat, "What are you doing here?"
Kyo jerked his chin angrily in the direction of a building - a beautiful, elegant townhouse that Toshiya thought he recognised.
"I'm here to pick up some more of my stuff," he said bluntly, "And Kaoru knew full well that I was coming around this afternoon, so if he invited you here to try and make me jealous or whatever—"
"He'd done no such thing!" Toshiya interrupted, affronted, "I'm just taking a walk!"
Of course, that was why he vaguely recognised the house - he'd walked past it in the dark just a few nights ago.
"Down Kaoru's street?" Kyo asked flatly, and Toshiya raised his chin a little.
"Yes," he said firmly, "Because I was thinking of dropping in. Obviously, he has plans, so I won't."
Kyo raised an eyebrow appraisingly.
"Is there ever anything you say that isn't a lie?" he asked brusquely. Lost for words, Toshiya bit his lip and waited. Kyo also seemed at a loss for anything else to say, though, so Toshiya seized the opportunity.
"Kyo," he said tentatively, "Why'd you break up with him?"
The smaller man's eyes flashed. "Fuck off."
"No..." Toshiya struggled, "Please? It's just, I know he misses you, and—"
"You think so?" Kyo smiled with a mixture of resignation and bitterness. "Look, if you must know, I dumped him because I thought he loved me, but he didn't. And I didn't even realise until I met Shinya, but I didn't love Kaoru, either."
Toshiya stared for a moment, amazed at how somebody so perceptive could be so dense.
"But he did love—"
"Stop," Kyo ordered darkly, "I don't know where you come from, really, or how well you know Kaoru, but I do know that there is no way you know him as well as I do."
"Look," Toshiya tried, pushing some wet hair back from his face, "I know you don't think much of me—"
"Don't think much of you?" Kyo's eyes flashed, "Toshiya, I'm not an idiot. I know your type. There's something weird about you that I can't put my finger on, but I'm telling you - I'll get it. And even if you've got Kaoru under your spell right now, he's not stupid either."
Kyo paused.
"I don't feel bad," he said after a minute, "Because our relationship did him no favours. But I'll admit, when I saw you with him at the library, it pissed me off because..." he hesitated, "When I looked at you, I saw a good-looking, dumb-as-fuck piece of ass, and I thought - God, what's Kaoru doing? I mean, look at you. I figured you were trying to get him for his money, or something."
Toshiya gaped, too offended to really think of a reply.
"You...what is your problem?" he asked at last, eyes wide, "If you think that of me, fine, but you should know that I'm with Kaoru because he's sweet, alright? He's sweet and thoughtful and—"
"Toshiya?"
The soft voice behind him made Toshiya spin around: Kaoru stood sheltered by a large umbrella, looking partly baffled, partly pained and partly...Toshiya might have said touched.
"Kyo," Kaoru greeted stiffly, "Your loud voice precedes you."
"Kaoru." For the first time, Kyo looked a little concerned; for a moment, he floundered, and then shrugged. "I don't take it back," he declared, "I—"
"Yes, I didn't think you would," Kaoru interrupted drily. Toshiya fidgeted, feeling out of sorts; Kaoru wasn't shy this time, wasn't miserable...
Angry. He was angry at Kyo and his whole body showed it. The poet looked a little shamed, but stood his ground, staring at Kaoru as if wondering how he was going to react.
"Kyo," Kaoru used his free hand to rub at the space between his eyes tiredly, "I will send you the rest of your things."
Whatever Kyo had been expecting, it wasn't that. His eyes jerked wider open and his mouth set itself in a grim line; just for a moment, his hands formed fists.
"But Kaoru—"
"Kyo, please." Kaoru's voice was quiet. "Just...go home."
Toshiya suddenly noticed the absence of the rain pattering against his skin. He glanced upwards, surprised, at the safe blue canopy of Kaoru's umbrella.
